Cheap Ass Flyers made these copies for you, didn't they?

Will, if you're reading this, and I'm not getting through to you, let's get clear on one thing: I fucking love your website.

This confirms the rumors of the Gawker Media/JSTOR merger.

How did the inmate know that Rodriguez hated Clemens? Do we have to wait until the third book for that?

So "Alex" was Kid Canada and Jose Canseco was the guy who ratted him out?

Harlequin romance authors are better writers than Canseco. I immediately disbelieve everything he says in this book because it reads like a high school jock's diary. oh, wait...

I'm sorry, I got to the third page and realized I'd rather read the work I have in front of me on my desk.

"[A-Rod] is a known cheater. If you don't believe me on that front, try your luck with Google. Put in 'Alex Rodriguez' and 'infidelity' and you'll get about fifty thousand hits."

Tough to argue with that logic.

@Secret Identity: Damn Canadian shouldn't have tried to steal his boss's wife...

BOI I SWURRRRR

"Now we get to other guy." Did Dan Shanoff edit this?

@Secret Identity:

"Max", not "Alex".

Jose Canseco is the tits.

I can't decide if this is from an actual book or just a mash-up of an edition of USAToday, a screenplay from a gay soap opera, and the USDA food pyramid.

Weirdest cesarean scar ever.

@Gourmet Spud:
1 - 10 of 199,000 for jose canseco ass

uh, that looks creepy on my part.....

The Mitchell Report has swollen Canseco's head more than all the steroids he ever took.

Great, now I don't have to spend the $17 dollars on the actual book.

"Max" instead of McNamee. Clever alias, Jose! Boy, no one will ever connect those dots.

I'm disappointed that Jose doesn't let me know where I can get some farm-fresh eggs. I mean, who doesn't like farm-fresh eggs? What a tease. Maybe I'll call Max. I bet he knows.

Clearly I need to write a book so I can tell various people in my life that I fucking hate their guts.

Chapter 1: Daniel the lion...

... I got right to the point: "Why did you try to fuck my wife, Alex?"

"Fuck you, man," he said. "I never tried to fuck anyone's wife. I'm a man's man!"

What the hell did that even mean? A man's man?

Oh, I think we all know what that means, Jose ... *cough*she-male*cough*

@Alonzo Mosely: Probably not. If Shanoff did, it would read like this:

Now. We. Get. To. Other. Guy.

I'd like to read more about the Time Line.

That lie detector business is not a put-on. Canseco showed videos of himself passing said lie detectors to all of the publishers he met with. That doesn't mean he's not lying, though.

The alternate title for this book was "I told you so".

I'm a man's man.

Hard to argue with the logic there, too.

I think my one of my favorite parts was, "And I don't like people with no morals." Um, pot? Meet kettle.

I'm not a literary critic or nuthin', but José Canseco is no Shakespeare. Oh wait, I am. And this guy writes like a fourth grader with a learning disability.

That was a literary train wreck. Thanks Jose.

Although I expressed my distaste for this post earlier, I suppose it beats The Excerpts from "Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional

I just googled "jose canseco + liar" and got 25,000 hits...and he wasted all that time with polygraphs!

@Red Sox Monster: You beat me to that.

@Turkeyleg: I think "The Moment of Truth" has openings for contestants...

"That answer is..."

@Farneyismycopilot: It's like he just vomited his words on to the page and the editor thought, it's probably worth more money if I just don't edit this crap.

That Angers team was pretty damn good with him

Let's see. Canseco invites A-Rod repeatedly to his house to "work out".
Admires his "skinny" physique.
Arranges for his wife to be "out" when A-Rod visits.
"Not hard enough"

Guess it's no accident that Jose is staring right at P-Town in that picture.

I think Alex and Jose were just re-enacting a scene from Raging Bull.

@Lizabelle:

Lizzie, great work on the blog today. How'd that mid-morning hangover work out?

Fair use?

We'll need a ruling from Deadspin, LLP's intellectual property group.

FARM FRESH EGGS!!!! ARRGHHHHHHHH!!!!

/just wanted to do that

Dear God I love Jose Canseco

@The Fan's Attic: For real. It's like they just locked him in a room with a ton of coffee and had someone furiously type whatever he said and then called the result a 'book.' I bet chapter 10 has two-page rant about how he has to take a shit.

Jose, if you're reading this, I wanted to fuck your wife.

Finding Max shouldn't be too hard.

"My twin brother, Ozzie, was also born around this time"

Story checks out.

Judging by the arm sticking out behind him, this must be the most conceited puppet ever.

Also, to those of you criticizing the quality of Canseco's prose, let me remind you that the passage you just read was penned by ghostwriter Pablo Fenjves.

Is that scar "L for Loser" or "L for Little arm with my Luggage?"

The angers, poster boys for roid rage.

She-male, muscular type

Apparently steroids inflate your ego while shrinking your balls.

e-bays broke again?

@Nationalcoholic: Jay Gibbons hates when people call him that.

Helllloooooo?

I take it DUAN is fucked because of this post.

@Fat-Fat: It's not looking good.

@Slothrop: I only had one drink. I knew better. I was already going to be putting in a full day of work on 4 hours sleep. Four hours sleep and hungover would have been awful.

@Fat-Fat: ok, its broke. Might as well go sign up for another fantasy league on espn.

Seriously, boredom sucks

@Suss--: Did you google it?

@Farneyismycopilot: That reminds me of Adam Carolla's criticisms of Bill Simmons's writing. He mocks it as a "dear online diary" writing style. Which is true, to an extent.

But, say what you want about Simmons, his online diary writing is a million times better than this drivel.

I like where A-Rod asks, "The 'roids - Do they fuck you up?" and Jose Canseco replies, "Do I look like I'm fucked up?" I don't know, Jose, I guess that's a matter of opinion.

@Steve Trachsel, Ace. No, really, ACE: I'm playing games on trollz.com. yes, a virtual community targeted to 8-12 year old girls. the games are entertain