Deadspin
OK, now before you start hollering, no, we did not pick the Cardinals to win the division. And yes, that's the first time that's happened since we started this here site.
In fact, our pick makes our stomach turn over a bit, but alas. We think this division's going to be a lot better than people think.
1. Chicago Cubs. We're not ready to go with the "they win the World Series in the 100th year" business, but the lineup is starting to scare us a little.
2. Milwaukee Brewers. These guys reek of slow starters, followed by the firing of Ned Yost, followed by a crazy run to the wild card.
3. Houston Astros. This franchise is absolutely dead in two years. Their last gasp will push them into third place. Congrats, guys.
4. St. Louis Cardinals. The lineup should surprise — watch Brian Barton, kids — but man, is that really Todd Wellemeyer in the rotation? Heavens.
5. Cincinnati Reds. No longer will these guys sucker us in. It'll be fun to see who Griffey goes to, though.
6. Pittsburgh Pirates: Yes, yes, the Pirates are still around. Nice stadium too.
We type all this through gritted teeth. Your thoughts? Tomorrow, the National League West.
Comments
This factors in Ankiels 40 homeruns right?
Roy Oswalt, Brandon Backe and pray for 3 days of rain!
Is your Rick Ankiel figurine weeping?
Rick Ankiel- 40HR
1. Ryan Theriot
2. J.J. Hardy
3. Troy Glaus
4. Bronson Arroyo
5. Brad Ausmus
6. Xavier Nady
5. Cincinnati Reds. No longer will these guys sucker us in. It'll be fun to see who Griffey goes to, though.
Good ... that means this year they'll surprise you and win with a young rotation!
/Continues to lie to self
It's also Braden Looper.
/Mets fan still bitter about 2006.
These guys reek of slow starters, followed by the firing of Ned Yost, followed by a crazy run to the wild card.
Also, cheese.
It'll be fun to see who Griffey goes to, though.
Dr. James Andrews is my guess.
1-6: Megadittos.
We type all this through gritted teeth.
After fifteen years, you stop giving a fuck. If I go to more Riverhounds matches than Pirate games this summer, I would not be surprised.
Cubs. Woo. Cubs. Woo. I'm assuming Will's scared of the Cubs' off season pickup of Geovany Soto.
Cubs, Brewers, Stros, Reds, Redbirds, Butt Pirates
Ah, the good old reverse jinx.
Griffey read this and promptly pulled a hammy.
Cubs to win the division? Don't taunt us like that.
@UkraineNotWeak: Nope. The Sopranos DVD it is standing on provided much needed comfort.
I predict the Cubs will defeat the Pirates to win their second of consecutive World Series titles in Comiskey Field to commemorate the 100th anniversary of their last Lombardi Cup.
Prediction: Cubs mend zero hearts.
I am not ready for a world that has the cubs winning anything.
Nibbles!!!
I think the Pirates are poised for a run this year...
... to fifth place.
@Texas Gal: Theriot? I think Fontenot is going to be a much better player.
Oh, you meant the other thing, right? Nevermind, I cede to you on this matter completely.
@Farneyismycopilot: And by young, I'm assuming that either Fogg or Arroyo (probably Fogg) go down with an injury and Homer Bailey rides in on a white horse* to save the day along with Cueto and Volquez.
*Marge's ghost won't allow any other colors
Who said anything about Wellington Mara?
The Pirates are already 15 games out of first.
@SlantedAndDisenchanted: You could give them a 15-game head start right now, and they'd still end up in the cellar.
@CIALIS COOPER: +1. We see what you're doing, there, Will.
We're not ready to go with the "they win the World Series in the 100th year" business, but the lineup is starting to scare us a little.
Not me. They added a guy that will give them maybe 10-15% more production than Murton, CF and SS remain awful, and are relying on a catcher that was more lucky than anything last season.
It'll be fun to see who Griffey goes to, though.
You mean which doctor he'll go to 1st right
1. Rookie of the year
2. Mr. 3000
3. Hustle
4. Open Road
5. Angels in the Outfield (the original, good one)
6. The Pride of St. Louis
Will the Cubbies wear the "1908-2008 100 Years of Suckitude" patches?
/Uni Watch
Cubs win division, renamed the Chicago Zells, playing at Zell Field. In Zellsville.
@Texas Gal: HA! You're just TEASING us knowing full well that XMan is most likely gone soon.
Let's go Pens!
@Farneyismycopilot: Josh Fogg is still in the league?!
There is hope for Ryan Vogelsong yet.
1. Robin Yount's jaw
2. Joe Morgan's anus
3. Harry Caray's corpse
4. Mike Scott's sandpaper
5. Will
6. Roberto Clemente's plane
1 the cubs: a century of losing baseball
2 brewers: Selig doesn't own them anymore? whatever
3 cards: 3rd is too good; just kissing up here...
4 astros: why did you ever leave the astrodome?!
5 pirates: want barry back now?
5. Cincinnati Reds. No longer will these guys clog up the basepaths.
Something like this:
Cubbies
Brew Crew
Reds
'Stros
Cards
Poor, poor motherfuckers in Pittsburgh.
Beer
Beer
Tequila
Beer
Beer
Steel
Will, I hope nobody from my 12-team NL only league reads Dedspin for fantasy advice since Barton is/was going to be my reserve sleeper.
@Steve Trachsel, Ace. No, really, ACE: BUT... in the remake, the team is actually called the Angels!!!
Here is the actual order of finish:
6. Nelly
5. Mike Jones
4. Bootsy Collins (!)
3. Black Elephant
2. Kanye West
1. Wiz Khalifa
Wiz, Rusteed Root, The Clarks and DONNIE FRIGGIN' IRIS FTW!!
@It Must Be Take a Worm for a Walk Week: Yep ... another fine Reds out-of-season pick up.
The Pirates can definitely make a run in September. Hell, I bet in a few games they'll even make 2 runs!
@Hank Scorpio-Steinbrenner: Fontenot already IS a better player. Sorry, The Riot, but it's true. Fortunately, Ryan is hotter.
@TheStarterWife: He really does look best in black and gold.
Upon hearing of the Cubs being picked to win their division, Kerry Wood's shoulder and Alfonso Soriano's hamstring have simultaneously disintegrated.
Freaky.
DePaul
Marquette
Xavier
Rice
WashU
Carnegie Mellon
@VTBen: Go Tartans!
1. Bucs
2. Ew r Serb
3. Lard in sac
4. Le Dregs
5. Roasts
6. Set pair
I'd just like you all to know that, as a Pirates fan, I hate the whole lot of you right now.
Will, you are a gentleman and a scholar.
/my Dad used to say that. Now just make it so.
1. Pat Listach
2. Jerome Walton
3. Chris Sabo
4. Jeff Bagwell
5. Todd Worrell
6. Jason Bay
WRONG
I hate being a Pirates fan. At least when the Cubs suck people still give them a sideways glance.
Shit, the Pirates wouldn't make national news unless Jason Bay ripped off his human mask, exposed himself as one of the aliens from "V", hit a grand slam that went into the river, consumed a live rat as he rounded the bases, and then jumped into the mothership, cackling manically about stealing all of Earth's water, and took off into the sky.
Well....
They still wouldn't make it into the top ten plays on ESPN, because I'm sure Jack Wilson would fuck it all up somehow.
I love being a Pirates fan. I still have my memories of 1979 when I was a wee lad. Any wee lads around who remember the Cubs' last title?
And the Bucs will take the wild card. Mientkiewicz will make it so!
@Peter Cavan: Fourth, man, fourth. The ascension to mediocrity has begun. Or not.
Fuck.
Hey, Buccos fans, meet me at the 222 on opening day. We shall drink.
Really? The Reds fifth. I spent $300 on a fifth place team> Christ.
1. A Century of Futility
2. Mmmmm... Beer
3. Surprisingly Decent
4. First Pitch OF THE SEASON Should Still be in Cincy
5. Back to Irrelevance
6. Mayor of Irrelevance
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