As an American hockey writer, the language barrier hinders both ease and access with Russian players in the NHL. So it sometimes falls to the Russian sports media to ask the goofy-ass questions we'd rather be asking someone like Capitals star Alexander Ovechkin, such as "What smells do you like?" and "Is it possible to play hockey on Mars?" Luckily, the boys (and girl) at On Frozen Blog know someone who can translate.
OFB turned to their buddy Dmitry Chesnokov of SovetskySport to make SovSports' wacky interview with Ovechkin more palatable to English-speaking fans. Some choice cuts:
Q. When will Sidney Crosby score 50 goals in a season?
OVECHKIN: Maybe tomorrow! The guy is extremely talented. He could pick up a video game console, pick Pittsburgh as his team, and score 50 goals in one gaming session.
Q. Is it possible to score a goal with a head in hockey?
OVECHKIN: It is doable. But you shouldn't try - because you can injure yourself very seriously, so that you won't even realize whether it was you who scored the goal, maybe you won't even remember your own name. You use your head to think. And also, as boxers say, you use it to eat.
Q. What smells do you like, and what smells you can't stand?
OVECHKIN: I can't stand bad breath. And I love how my girlfriend smells.
Q. Is it possible to play hockey on Mars?
OVECHKIN: Why not? There are open air games in the NHL already. Although we might have to make a window in the schedule a little longer - it might take a while to get to Mars.
Q. What would you say to President George W. Bush if you saw met him on the lawn in front of the White House?
OVECHKIN: "What's up, dude? How's life?" And let him pretend that he doesn't know who I am.
Pimp. A few years ago, it was commonplace to call Ovechkin the Magic to Sidney Crosby's Larry Bird. As their personas have developed on and off the ice, a more appropriate comparison would be that Ovechkin's the Jagger to Sidney's McCartney. Which would make Mario the Lennon, and Viktor Kozlov the Charlie Watts, I suppose.
Alexander Ovechkin, Stand-Up Comedian [On Frozen Blog]
Photo from an aces collection of Ovie photos on Flickr.