Bless Gagne, baseball, milwaukee brewers

Eric Gagne, A Still Life

Perhaps our favorite ridiculous conspiracy theory about the Mitchell Report was that Sen. Mitchell, a Red Sox fan, was somehow attempting to stack the deck by ignoring potential Red Sox juicers. Not just that, but he happened to nail the one guy Sox fans hated the most at the time: Eric Gagne. Well, if you watched that Brewers-Cubs game yesterday, if Gagne is on steroids, man, he needs some new ones.

You always know a closer is in a death spiral when the mere mention of his name causes cheers among the opposing fans. Yesterday was fun, because you say this from both Cubs and Brewers fans. (Phillies fans will enjoy this once Brad Lidge comes back, not that the exact same thing isn't happening to Tom Gordon.)

We think this Gagne death spiral is going to last about a month, and then we'll be on Derrick Turnbow watch. Maybe it is the steroids.

And honestly: Gagne looks less like a professional athlete than just about anybody in sports right now, now that Rich Garces is gone.

(Photo via Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel)

5:01 PM on Tue Apr 1 2008
By Leitch
5,419 views
50 comments

Comments

Windier E. Megatons at 05:08 PM on 04/01/08
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I think Wood will rebound. Gagne looks finished, though. What were the Brewers thinking?
SlickBomb at 05:08 PM on 04/01/08
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Not quite as bad as mentioning Paul Byrd's PED "problem" the night before his ALCS start, but we'll take it.
tater at 05:08 PM on 04/01/08
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I believe Ray King is still employed.
UkraineNotWeak at 05:09 PM on 04/01/08
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And yet the Cubs still managed to lose. It's been a tough century.
MattinglysSideburns at 05:09 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 124

He and Judd Apatow should just write another movie together.
Gourmet Spud at 05:09 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 437

Not pictured: every National League hitter lined up behind him.
Whitey Fisk at 05:09 PM on 04/01/08
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The happiest guy in the place when Gagne shit the bed was Kerry Wood.
WoodBatsSteelBalls at 05:10 PM on 04/01/08
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He better get his balls blessed before the steroid shrinkage renders them non-existent.
Chief Wahoo at 05:10 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 256

I believe I heard J-No's scream in NYC yesterday afternoon.
Juancho at 05:10 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 273

If only Butterbean could pitch.
Weed Against Speed at 05:11 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 402

No wonder why he struggled. The pitching mound is made of quicksand! You can't even see his feet anymore. Someone get him out of there!
SlantedAndDisenchanted at 05:11 PM on 04/01/08
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Plus the guy speaks French, which is just like really disrespectful to my freedom.
ArkansasFred at 05:11 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 141

I think my girlfriend, who is pretty ignorant when it comes to baseball players, summed it up well when she asked "Who is this slob?"
DennyCrane at 05:11 PM on 04/01/08
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INVISABULL TOYLET BOUL
/can be interpreted several ways
VTBen at 05:12 PM on 04/01/08
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He got a bullshit win yesterday:
[sports.aol.com]
This will go great with his bullshit World Series championship ring.
J-No at 05:13 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 279

@Chief Wahoo: I still can't tlak about what I saw. The horror of it all. I'm scarred for life.
UkraineNotWeak at 05:13 PM on 04/01/08
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Dan Kolb is still available.
twoeightnine at 05:14 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 183

He's not fat, he's curvy!
Clare at 05:14 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 380

As someone who harbors a freakishly intense crush on Derrick Turnbow and counts a Turnbow bobblehad among her prized posessions, I hope Eric Gagne implodes like Three Rivers Stadium. I will watch said implosion from across a river and atop a hill, and drink a Bloody Mary afterward.
Doyle McPoyle at 05:14 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 208

Game Over, indeed.
UkraineNotWeak at 05:14 PM on 04/01/08
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@J-No:

Kige naked?
Chaunceyshammy at 05:15 PM on 04/01/08
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"And honestly: Gagne looks less like a professional athlete than just about anybody in sports right now, now that Rich Garces is gone."

Mr John Daly would like your phone number please
Hernandez-is-the-Mandez at 05:16 PM on 04/01/08
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The save statistic is ridiculously over valued, but closers also take too much grief when they shit the bed. So I guess it kind of evens out. But yeah, that guy's done.
Weed Against Speed at 05:16 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 402

@twoeightnine: Poor outfit choice. You know, something a Major Leaguer would wear.
MitchKayak at 05:16 PM on 04/01/08
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Were the reverse vampires involved in that conspiracy?
1980 David Bowie From... at 05:17 PM on 04/01/08
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If I were Eric Gagne, I'd try to pull a Rick Ankiel right about now.

Gagne will hit 40 home runs in 2011. WRITE IT DOWN!!!
treatment_bound at 05:17 PM on 04/01/08
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Here's my copy reprinted from the daily closer earlier today. I thought I'd throw it in again, since it was posted late...

Gagne was juiced & buffed in L.A.---now he just looks like the guy who comes out to clean your cesspool.
the earl of weaver at 05:18 PM on 04/01/08
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Good thing it will only cost them a modest $1 million this ye-

What's that? I left out a zero? Oh.

Well then that was just plain stupid of Milwaukee
Carlton_Whitfield at 05:18 PM on 04/01/08
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Reminds me of the Dave Veres era for the Cards. When that guy came in... well, we knew we could write that game off.
UkraineNotWeak at 05:19 PM on 04/01/08
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You people act like you never had Armando Benitez as your closer. A few seasons of Benitez will numb you for life.
tater at 05:20 PM on 04/01/08
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@Carlton_Whitfield:
Yup reminds me of Roberto Hernandez, Ricky Botallico, Jeremy Affeldt, Mike MacDougal eras with the Royals.
$Image of LenPasquarelli\'sStretchMarks$ LenPasquarelli'sStretc... at 05:21 PM on 04/01/08
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@Windier E. Megatons: New ESPN Featured Comment?
crazyjoedavola at 05:23 PM on 04/01/08
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@UkraineNotWeak: Great, finally got him out of my head. Thanks for that...
The Fan’s Attic at 05:24 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 370

@Len Pasquarelli's Stretch Marks: Exactly what I thought.
Carlton_Whitfield at 05:24 PM on 04/01/08
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@tater: No more de la Rosa, though. You in KC also?
tater at 05:26 PM on 04/01/08
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@Carlton_Whitfield:
I'm within 5 hours of the place.
LosOsosdeChicago at 05:26 PM on 04/01/08
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F--ing hockey players.
BruschisBrewsky at 05:28 PM on 04/01/08
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To throw a Sox fan two cents in, Heathcliff Slocumb.

That about sums it up.
tater at 05:29 PM on 04/01/08
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@BruschisBrewsky:
No sale...you got Varitek and Lowe from him.
$Image of LenPasquarelli\'sStretchMarks$ LenPasquarelli'sStretc... at 05:33 PM on 04/01/08
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@Carlton_Whitfield: KC here -- all I know is I'm glad Buddy Bell and Emil Brown are gone. Good riddance.
Its The Beer Talking at 05:34 PM on 04/01/08
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Considering that this happened in March, and that I was in the stands when Cordero gave up 5 runs in the 9th last summer, excuse me if I'm not having a heart attack about this. His velocity was OK and he got out of the inning.

And if 1 year of Gagne @ 10 mil allows us to sign Braun and Hart long-term, I'm fine with it.
BruschisBrewsky at 05:38 PM on 04/01/08
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@tater: OK agreed, and on top of that i admit i still form a wry smile whenever ol' Heathcliff's name is mentioned.

And to throw gas on the fire i remember when the Royals traded Johnny Damon and Mark Ellis for Hernandez and Angel Berroa.

/sorry
Carlton_Whitfield at 05:42 PM on 04/01/08
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@Len Pasquarelli's Stretch Marks: Good to know. But hey, you're overlooking the best part of Emil Brown's tenure: when he'd get a hit, the scoreboard would say "It's Not a Snack, It's Emil." Never got old.
tater at 05:44 PM on 04/01/08
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@BruschisBrewsky:
Nah if you really wanted to get something started you'd mention the Jermaine Dye-Neifi Perez trade.
strong like bull smart... at 05:50 PM on 04/01/08
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@tater:

/weeps quietly
Secret Identity at 06:09 PM on 04/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 217

ZUT ALORS!
metroville at 06:28 PM on 04/01/08
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@MiggytheTiggy: Daly will have to wait in line behind the dissenters from the realm of baseball. First up: Bartolo Colon, the Jogging Cow.
KazMatsuisAnalFissure at 07:23 PM on 04/01/08
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this guy really puts the "gag" in "gagne"

/second-grader pun
Sasquatch at 10:07 AM on 04/02/08
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Would it be inappropriate as a Sox fan to send Milwaukee's GM a bouquet of flowers with a big mylar "Thank You" balloon on it? I still can't believe how far this guy has fallen. I too was pretty excited when Theo signed him. All I could think was "If our starters can get through 6, there's no way opposing hitters can get through Gagne, Okajima and Papelbon." We all know what happened next. I'm so glad Francona didn't use him in the playoffs at all.
icanthelpitimfromboston at 10:43 AM on 04/02/08
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Milwaukee Brewers 2008 Team Leaders
WINS LEADER » E. GAGNE
E. Gagne WINS 1
ERA 27.00
SO 1
IP 1

Thanks, Milwaukee