Posing As An Unknown ESPN Analyst Not The Way To Score Teens

That man to your right is ESPN college basketball analyst Mark Adams. Some of you may recognize him; most of you may not. That still didn't stop a 48-year-old New Jersey man from posing as Mark Adams in a failed attempt to shack up with a teenage girl.

Police say that Joel Brodsky was wandering around Indian Hills High School, his 10-year-old son in tow, on March 26th with his hair slicked back, wearing gray pants and an untucked dress shirt, and carrying a New York Giants helmet supposedly autographed by Eli Manning when he happened upon a pack of boys in the hallway who were on break from an SAT prep course. Brodsky introduced himself to the lads as Mark Adams, chatted them up for a bit, and then promised all of them college scholarships if they could set him up with a "16 or 17-year-old girl for sex", according to reports.

The students, annoyed and alarmed by the fake Mark Adams' creepy proposition, alerted authorities who eventually tracked Brodsky down and arrested him on child endangerment charges.

Now, imagine you're Joel Brodsky: old, horny, trapped in an unremarkable life that doesn't satisfy your wanton desires. It's time to transform yourself into someone new, someone different, someone important...like Mark Adams!

And why Mark Adams? It seems Adams is not just a 15th-tier college basketball analyst on ESPN — he's also an aspiring Tony Robbins, who even has his own EnthusiAdams corporate motivational courses:

So, Why Mark Adams? Simply because Mark is not just another motivational speaker with a canned message. He takes the extra time to 'scout' your team and become a part of your coaching staff. He prepares just like he did as a championship coach to assist your team to win your next championship. Mark is a winner and his ENTHUSIADAMS will be contagious!

So, you see, kids: Brodsky failed at securing a date with an underage girl for one reason and one reason alone — he lacked the proper amount of enthusiadams.

Cops Say School Intruder Was Looking For Sex [NorthJersey.com]
Mark Adams! [EnthusiAdams]