Deadspin
Which team has the best record in the American League? Say it with me: Boston Red S ... wait, what? Baltimore Orioles? I'll be damned. Things are so crazy at Camden Yards that they're actually cheering Aubrey "Jackin' It" Huff, whose solo homer in the eighth stood for the Orioles in a 5-4 comeback win over the Mariners.
So the O's sweep the M's to go 5-1 and take first place in the AL East. That's their first four-game sweep since 2004, and their best start since 1999. What? The season is only two weeks old? Do not rain on the Orioles' parade with your calendar! This is Huff's day! Of course all Orioles' fans recall when, in the preseason, Mr. Huff called Baltimore "a horseshit town" on Sirius Radio's Bubba the Love Sponge show, then revealing in the same interview that, when on the road, he often wakes up hung over and "jacks off."
In Huff's defense, who hasn't appeared on the Bubba the Love Sponge Show and blurted something controversial? But Orioles' fans never seemed to forgive him, booing Huff lustily in the home opener, and even razzing him a bit on Monday when he came up in the eighth. But after his homer, all now seems forgiven. George Sherrill pitched a perfect ninth for his fourth save (third in the series) and Adam Jones scored the tying run to set the stage for Huff (and the kerosene-soaked relief stylings of Seattle's Eric O'Flaherty). You may recall Sherrill and Jones from the big 5-for-1 deal that sent Erik Bedard to the Mariners. Bedard, by the way, has only pitched one game this season.
And now on to my big question: What's with the attendance at Camden Yards? Only 10,744 on Monday afternoon — the second-smallest crowd in the park's 17-year history. What gives? First-rate ballpark; first-place team; horny, hung over star player; why wouldn't people show up?
• What About Bob? Mike Mussina has tied Bob Gibson for 44th on the career wins list. OK, Gibson won 20 or more games in a season five times, and Mussina has never done it. And Gibson could peel paint from a wall just by staring at it. But Mussina gets to pitch against Tampa Bay several times per season, so it all evens out. Mussina went six innings and Bobby Abreu homered and went went 3-for-3 as the Yankees prevailed against the Rays 6-1. Oh yeah, Derek Jeter is out indefinitely with hurt feelings gender confusion a strained quadriceps.
• Hockey Chants At Your Home Opener? Nice. Fun graph from the Chicago Tribune's game story on the Cubs and Pirates at PNC Park: "It was so ugly early on that the sellout crowd of 37,491 was chanting "Let's Go Pens" during the Cubs' six-run third, a reference to the Penguins' quest for the Stanley Cup, which begins at home Wednesday." The Cubs went up 7-0, of course lost the lead and then came back to win 10-8 in 12 innings. Aramis Ramirez's sacrifice fly off Evan Meek brought home Ryan Theriot with the winning run. Also: Chicago's Kosuke Fukudome, who entered the game hitting .500 and is currently hitting .458, is still batting fifth. WTF, Lou?
• Hunter Harnesses Mysterious Monkey Powers. Torii Hunter left the Twins for a five-year, $90 million contract with the Angels in November, then started the season 0-for-10 at the Metrodome. But back in Anaheim — where keeps a stuffed Rally Monkey toy in his locker — he's 11-for-23. That includes a walkoff grand slam and an eighth-inning solo homer in the Angels' 6-4 win over the Indians on Monday.
• Your First-Place Florida Marlins. Dan Uggla's solo homer in the sixth and Robert Andino's two-run shot in the ninth led Florida to a 10-7 in over Washington, as the Marlins took sole possession of first place in the NL East. It was the fifth straight loss for the Nationals after a 3-0 start. Paid attendance for the second game at brand new Nationals Park was 20,487 (capacity is 41,888). Also, the $611 million scoreboard malfunctioned through most of the first inning.
• Big, Big Opener. Anyone going to the Royals' home opener today? Mark Mangino is throwing out the first pitch, so I hear. Also it's the debut of the CrownVision video board, which at 84-by-105 feet is the largest in the world!
Comments
Stupid Angelos?
It's going to be so touching when Mangino tries to get up out of the forklift and walk to the mound under his own power.
Hey, look! There was other sports going on last night?
/anything to take my mind off of Blaine Boyer
Cleveland: still giving up jacks to Tori Hunter
It was a shitty Monday night against the Marlins - I'm surprised 20K showed
...Gibson could peel paint from a wall...
So can C.C. Sabathia. But not by staring.
You Huffin' it?
Wins over the Mariners can give any fanbase a case of irrational exuberance.
Aubrey "Jackin' It" Huff
To Melissa Midwest, no less.
Mark Mangino is throwing out the first pitch, so I hear. Also it's the debut of the CrownVision video board, which at 84-by-105 feet is the largest in the world!
These two are not unrelated.
A $611 MILLION scoreboard?? Are you shitting me???
Call me crazy but I can't wait to see Mangino go all David Wells on us.
@Sherrill-Theory: Wait ... hangover starting to dissipate ... moronic inability to recognize hyperbole coming clear ...
/my bad
What gives? First-rate ballpark; first-place team; horny, hung over star player; why wouldn't people show up?
Here's a hint, it's still Baltimore
@Sherrill-Theory:
You're shocked by runaway spending in Washington?
@kw: Yes, always
I'm heading to the Royals opener in 30 minutes. NOthing says baseball weather like 40 and rainy.
This is Huff's day!
I fully support Aubrey Huff getting his own holiday, as I have to imagine said holiday would be devoted to hangovers and general jackass-ery. Much like Yom Kippur, as I understand it.
@UkraineNotWeak:
Hey-oh!
Mark my words: The Pirates will not entirely suck ass this season. It's going to be more like an 82-percent ass-sucking effort, resulting in a 73-89 campaign.
Let's go Pens.
Audrey Horne > Aubrey Huff
/just awful
@Sarcastro: They won't suck ass entirely until after the trading deadline - if baseball has such a thing. I think it does. Nady will get to play for a good team, maybe Bay too - hopefully the Pirates will get some decent prospects out of it. But then they will revert to their natural state of late - which is sucking ass entirely.
@HIV 2 Elway:
Audrey Hepburn > Audrey Horne > Aubrey Huff
@UkraineNotWeak:
Audrey Tautou > Audrey Hepburn > Audrey Horne > Aubrey Huff
@Im a people person. Who drinks.: Too much "success" (which, for the Buccos, equates to being fewer than 10 games under .500 in June) might result in management trying to add a free agent or two, which would further hamstring the team's 20-year rebuilding plan.
I, too, hope for trades and prospects and a winning season before I'm 40 (they've got until 2012).
@af607105: Audrey II > all those skanks
Fun* fact: Last night was the quickest game played at Coors.
*may not actually be fun. Stupid Blaine Boyer.
I'm getting my jabs in with my Yankee and Sox buddies while I can.
@DeepFriar: That's not fair. The Inner Harbor is lovely.
But seriously? Don't go anywhere else in Baltimore aside from there if you value your life.
Blaine Boyer for sale...cheap. Call Bobby Cox for more info.
Also available...Peter Moylan, free to a good home.
The CrownVision screen is a pair of Magino's Briefs, starched.
To be fair, the weather in Baltimore hasn't exactly been great and school is still in. Attendance should go up at least a bit when school is out. Besides that, I guess people are waiting to see if this is not just a fluke.
Also, the $611 million scoreboard malfunctioned through most of the first inning.
Actually, the stadium is at $674 million and climbing due to eminent domain lawsuits and the District taking incredibly risky loans that backfired. All public money too!
So, um, go Nats?
@Sarcastro: +1 on 20 year rebuilding plan call.
So then what is best for the Pirates is to somewhat suck record wise - but to have individual players have good years. I think the team has the bullpen to accomplish just that.
As far as the vetern free agents go - I thought it was a bit odd to see all the complaining about the Bucs not making any moves in the off season. Cause they have such a kick ass track record with that. They can suck perfectly fine with who they have - no need to bring in anyone else to add to the suck.
Stan Marsh has always spent his life thinking baseball was just a game. Now he's about to learn that a homerun can save the life of a little boy with cancer. Stan Marsh is... Jackin' It.
In Theatres May 17th
No mention of the White Sox and Crede's go-ahead grand slam? For shame.
@Matt_T:
Cookie and Glavine were dealing last night...if you like slow grounds balls in shitty weather, that was the game to watch last night.
@the earl of weaver: But I thought they captured that homeless serial killer?
um, 'cuz they're all dead in rowhouses?
/played-out reference
@the earl of weaver: Maybe the Orioles should just start marketing that you are only a five minute walk from a multitude of strip joints and have stag nights where single guys can get discounts on tickets.
Joe Borowski. Why do you continue to do this to us Indians fans?
Luke Scott will not be content to merely be the first man since Ted Williams to hit .400. He will hit .500 and we will cower before his magnificence and place offerings of wine and fine meats at his feet.
/hoping that this isn't the high point of 2008 for us O's fans
/maybe 75 wins at least?
/please?
Give it a couple weeks.
Peter "I Trained James Dolan" Angelos will stick his head in and demand the Orioles trade Melvin Mora for Brooks Robinson.
Oh...wait...Brooksie wants nothing to do with the team until that asshole is gone!
It'll last until Peter "I Trained Jim Dolan" will stixk his head up his ass and muck the whole thing again.
Where have you gone Brooks Robinson?
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