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what an #%!hole, espn commentary

ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day

ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ...

• "Astros taught not to mess with Phat Albert tonight." — Faith1st952

Previous ESPN Featured Comment of the Day, plus a Featured Deadspin Response or two ...

• "Back-to-back National Champs. It doesn't get better than this." — puncho305

• The only conclusion I can come to from that comment is that puncho305 has yet to experience sex. — Jews For Purple Jesus

• Three in a row might be a little better. — Sarcastro

• Recent sports accomplishment. Cliche that underscores that accomplishment. — ESPN-comments-for-dummies8483 — StuScott Booyahs

12:10 PM on Thu Apr 10 2008
By Rick
2,038 views
57 comments

Comments

Stev D at 12:25 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 180

Fat Albert taught me not to mess with stray dogs today.
-cosbykid23
Hamster-Style at 12:25 PM on 04/10/08
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"asses taught not to mess with fat albert tonight"
~peternorth952
DeepFriar at 12:25 PM on 04/10/08
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Verbs tenses confused being used conjuntions where?
-4thGradeEnglishFailure
The Trying Too Hard To... at 12:26 PM on 04/10/08
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Faith1st952 is a dude, as if that comment couldn't be any more disturbing.
Al Czerviks Ride at 12:26 PM on 04/10/08
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Rut roh Reorge. Rere he comes again.

HEY HEY HEY!
VTBen at 12:27 PM on 04/10/08
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I failed 4th grade English. -Faith1st952
Fundamentally UnSound at 12:27 PM on 04/10/08
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"Baby Momma taught not to mess with me tonight, dawg." --EDukes202
Fat-Fat at 12:27 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 219

Fat Albert done made a mess all over the toilet.
-berkman343
goathair at 12:27 PM on 04/10/08
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Is that a Lil' Wayne line?
André Roussimoff at 12:27 PM on 04/10/08
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"Astroglide used to make mess on computer desk tonight." --InBedWithFaithFan952
VTBen at 12:28 PM on 04/10/08
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This guy's ESPN fan profile is an A+.

In Faith1st952's Words...

Faith=Christianity
Puerto Rican, Irish, German, British, and little Indian.
What a mix huh! Pure example of America's a Melting Pot!
I stick with my teams through thick and thin!
I love fine wine @ women.
Please leave comment and let's reminisce!
abbydoopop at 12:28 PM on 04/10/08
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If Astro's not available, there's always daughter Judy...meow!
Chief Wahoo at 12:29 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 256

Astro taught not to get on the treadmill with George

-ElroyJetson
ClueHeywood at 12:29 PM on 04/10/08
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Dubudah Asdohs daught ubnot mubessah bit bat thualbat dubnite.
-Mushmouth77
LesMilesIsAMouthyDouche at 12:29 PM on 04/10/08
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Old Man Johnson from the abandoned amusement park, wearing a Jim Leyland mask, taught not to mess with Scooby Doo and the gang tonight. -TedBundyAsFredJones
Sucko-T at 12:29 PM on 04/10/08
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"Old hoes ought not to mess with Marv Albert any night."

-OnceBittenTwiceShy
Schluby at 12:30 PM on 04/10/08
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Hey, you mis-spelled fat.
Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0 at 12:30 PM on 04/10/08
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Sodomites taught not to mess with a vengeful God tonight - OldTestament6969
OchentaYcinco at 12:30 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 70

@VTBen: Even taking those lines one at a time, none of them make sense. Which pretty much made his featured commenter status an inevitability.
MattinglysSideburns at 12:31 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 124

"White people ought not to dress with Phat Farm tonight" - CommonSense1st
Gourmet Spud at 12:31 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 437

"Herpes taught me not to mess with Mo Pete tonight."
Len Bias Cocaine Surplus at 12:32 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 434

Hey, hey, hey. It's Carlos Lee kids!
dont-forget-where-you-... at 12:33 PM on 04/10/08
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Congratulations, you've demonstrated a limited understanding of what a "pun" is.

-Faith+one
Fundamentally UnSound at 12:33 PM on 04/10/08
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@VTBen: He loves fine wine @ women? And since he's faith-based, does he pour Communion wine on said women?

If so, then I need to start going to church more.
Gourmet Spud at 12:33 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 437

"P.S. Cancel the whoopee cushion." - Faith1st952
The Trying Too Hard To... at 12:35 PM on 04/10/08
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@Sucko-T: Damn. +1. A Great White reference always does the trick.
OchentaYcinco at 12:35 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 70

I learning comment people ESPN to not understand is dumb.
GreatOdensRaven at 12:35 PM on 04/10/08
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Astros taught not to mess with Phat Albert in a Can tonight.
-IH8Bart
OchentaYcinco at 12:36 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 70

@The Awful Logo Face: A Great White concert, on the other hand, results in a minus 30-something.
My Government Name is... at 12:36 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 101

"Bitch betta have my money."-Faith1st952
Jews For Purple Jesus at 12:37 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 37

"The Astros wanted it all, but they can't have it" --FaithNoMore
UkraineNotWeak at 12:38 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 484

"I was taught not to mess with Marv Albert tonight"-oncebittentwiceshy
Hamster-Style at 12:39 PM on 04/10/08
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@OchentaYcinco: Too soon? Nope, that's a +1.
My Government Name is... at 12:39 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 101

Nice to see MushMouth got that speech impediment cleared up.
UkraineNotWeak at 12:40 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 484

@Sucko-T:

Beat me to it.
Badclown at 12:40 PM on 04/10/08
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"The Astros best stay away from Weird Harold as well" -- DrHux1985
Gourmet Spud at 12:41 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 437

"I feel like chicken tonight." - Aramis Ramirez
That-Dude at 12:41 PM on 04/10/08
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I love fine wine @ women.

Does not compute.
Sandburgh at 12:42 PM on 04/10/08
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Me fail English? That's unpossible!
-RWiggum
NovakAintNoJokovic at 12:43 PM on 04/10/08
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Is anyone else surprised that people like this know how to get on the internet?
David Hume at 12:45 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 112

Those jerks at Deadspin are phucking with me, and making me look like a phool. I'm going to phume about it all phreaking day. -PhaithPhirst 952.
Chamomiles Davis at 12:46 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 287

"A-buh-stros taugh-but not to-buh me-buss wi-bith Pha-but Albert to-buh-nigh-but."

/mushmouth'd
ringitupwiththedongtea at 12:47 PM on 04/10/08
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"Drinking all those Strohs got me to mess around with fat chicks last night"
-morningafter69
Sucko-T at 12:48 PM on 04/10/08
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@NovakAintNoJokovic:

Slightly surprised but I'm guessing ESPN picks these so they can say something like "that's what you get from mom's basement, fans have no insight and they need us"
Helmet Touch at 12:48 PM on 04/10/08
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I just wanna feel you deep inside me...Jesus. - Faith+1
$Image of I\'m Hafner the man I used to be$ I'm Hafner the man I... at 12:51 PM on 04/10/08
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Astroglide taught me to mess with phat booty at night.
Fundamentally UnSound at 12:51 PM on 04/10/08
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@Sucko-T: Do you know the person that responds to their fanmail?
Jubilation T. Cornpone at 01:00 PM on 04/10/08
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"Astros taught not to mess with underage girls, but it's not a black and white thing."
-Bastardofsorts
Sarcastro at 01:15 PM on 04/10/08
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Connectedness Index: 235

Hey, hey, hey ... Go fuck yourself.

- Fat Albert
1980 David Bowie From... at 01:52 PM on 04/10/08
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@That-Dude: I think that's his e-mail address.

i_love_fine_wine@women.com
Canadian DJM at 02:22 PM on 04/10/08
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Seriously, what the fuck is going on over there? A random text generator creates more sensible comments. This isn't even funny anymore, it's just infuriating.
GLOBBAL WARMING at 02:40 PM on 04/10/08
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Alcohol taught to me mess with FAT chicks tonight.
SportsCentre at 02:40 PM on 04/10/08
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@Burning River:
There's our winner.
Bring Me The Head of... at 04:08 PM on 04/10/08
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@VTBen:

I really hope he tells people his email is: "Christismysavor952, all one word, and hotmail dot com."
dhochbaum at 04:10 PM on 04/10/08
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"Astros taught not to mess with space tonight." - Alien
DongerArd at 05:16 PM on 04/10/08
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"Jey, jey, jey!"
BMass at 05:20 PM on 04/10/08
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Are you telling me that there were 951 people before this homo who had Faith1st as a username? - Health3rd489

at 06:23 AM on 07/07/08

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