When we were — what was it — about five or six? - we were sexually attracted to Bugs Bunny. And we - we cut out this Bugs Bunny off the cover of a comic book and carried it around with us. Carried it around in our pocket and took it out and looked at it periodically, and — and it got all wrinkled up from handling it so much that we asked our mother to iron it on the ironing board to flatten it out, and — and she did, and we were deeply disappointed 'cause it got all brown when she ironed it, and brittle, and crumbled apart.

If you think France isn't, you know, perfect, or anything, but it's just, oh, slightly less evil than the United States, you're ready to be a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how.

• Coors Light
• Champion Sports
• VW
• Unscrew America

Champion Sports, Coors Light, Unscrew America, VW