Holy sweet fucking God! I'm just going to sit here for a minute while appreciating my non-destroyed testicles. Continue after the jump for last night's scores, because we might as well talk about hockey as long as we're here. Oh, and a big thanks to Enrico at the 700 Level for making this the first thing I watched this morning.

• Patrick Thoresen (the poor bastard from the video) was taken to the hospital, but his balls aren't out of the woods yet. The Philly left wing might have to have one of those testes excised, and I can safely say that the prayers of every man in the world are with him. In non-nut crushing news, Alex Ovechkin scored the game winner because he's significantly better than all of the other men on skates. Mike Green scored two for the Caps, who take the series lead behind a 5-4 victory. Mister Irrelevant has further video highlights.

Other teams won. And they include the New York Rangers (over the Devils), the Pittsburgh Penguins (over the Senators), and the Minnesota Wild in overtime (over the Stars), donchaknow.