Deadspin
There have been a little more than 9,000 unsolved murders in New York City since 1985; many of the victims buried in cement, do doubt. But thank God we've solved this case: The Yankees have dug up a Red Sox jersey on Sunday that had been planted beneath their new stadium by a construction worker. And it only took a work crew five hours with a jackhammer to locate it. Also found by the Yankees beneath the cement were:
• Feelings of inadequacy.
• Derek Jeter diary with smiley faces dotting the I's.
• Thin layer of reptile skin shed by George Steinbrenner.
• Joba Chamberlain's Subway Sandwich Sub Club card.
• Alex Rodriguez's Brass Rail Strip Club card.
• Yankee Stadium frozen malt (caused broken jackhammer bit).
The construction worker, Gino Castignoli, a Red Sox fan, tipped off co-workers on Friday that he had buried the David Ortiz jersey as a prank, and to curse the Yankees. So Hank Stenbrenner did what any sane owner would do; madly start digging up a brand new park to find it. And now, this bit of news:
Trost said the Yankees had discussed possible criminal charges against Castignoli with the district attorney's office. "We will take appropriate action since fortunately we do know the name of the individual," he said. A spokesman for Bronx District Attorney Robert Johnson said Sunday he did not know whether any criminal charges might apply.
Thankfully all other crimes in the Bronx have been solved, so they have more than enough time for this.
Yankees Foil Jinx Attempt, Dig Up Buried Red Sox Jersey [USA Today]
Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Corpse-Sniffing Dog [MSN]
Comments
Someone call Steve Sax in for questioning.
Alex Rodriguez's Brass Rail Strip Club card
THEE HOUSE THAT aRAH BILT
Also found but not mentioned:
George Costanza's TRB Reports
@UkraineNotWeak:
Make that TPS Reports.
I wonder how much the cost for digging up that jersey will ring up to. This is by far the funniest story I heard all weekend.
Another Rick Reilly post?
/guy holding shirt kinda sorta looks like him
//or not
"Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Corpse-Sniffing Dog "
But hey! This means we can get the partitions on the urinals! Blessing in disguise.
"And what am I over here, chopped liver? Make with the jackhammers already, you humps!"
--Jimmy Hoffa
If the guy really wanted to get fired, he should have just sprinted on the field in a flesh-toned bodysuit.
Hank Steinbrenner is the "giant cartoon head caricature holding an ice cream cone and riding a fucking unicylcle that you get done at Universal Studios" version of George Steinbrenner.
The Canadian guys who were called in to help set up the hockey rink for the 2002 winter Olympics in Salt Lake actually buried a 2-dollar Canadian coin under the centre ice faceoff dot. Both the Canadian men and women won gold that year.
Spooky.
Did George find his Phil Rizzuto key ring?
The Yankees dignity is still reported missing.
Did they come across Stump Merrill's corpse? I figured "Big Stein" buried him alive sometime in 1994.
When did burying jerseys become a way to curse a band of people?
@UkraineNotWeak: I was gonna say, I didn't know Costanza wrote for The New Republic.
Digging a little deeper uncovered a terrified and confused Don Zimmer.
Is the guy in the back about to take a leak?
Meanwhile, Bill Belichick is busy burying some Bostonian bits in New York territory.
"There are eight million stories in the Naked City; this has been one of them."
@Carlton_Whitfield: Or dragged the 1927 World Series Trophy behind his car around Babe Ruth's Bat.
Only thing lower than Ortiz's jersey is his BA.
Hey Now!
I can't wait for the film "In Search of Ancient Big Papi". The garment above will be known as "The Shroud of Yankee Stadium".
Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime doll!
How will burying a Russ Ortiz jersey curse the Yanks?
Ian Ziering and Tina Yothers in...
Law & Order: Special Stadium Unit
This Fall on NBC
Next: what the hell got buried in Comerica Park?
@Timber, His Arms Wide: The Tigers pitching staff.
@Gourmet Spud: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut.. do ya Saxy boy?
Can't focus on page.... still laughing.
@Timber, His Arms Wide: Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime doll!
+1
I guess that leaves Theo Epstein to try the second option; stand next to Steinbrenner chanting "I'm not touching you... I'm not touching you".
@Timber, His Arms Wide: Well, Matt Millen's office is right across the street.
Am I the only one who would find it hilarious if people kept sending in reports of other Sox jerseys being buried underneath various load-bearing pillars of the stadium?
wouldn't the "curse" have been more effective under the home team's locker room?
@Civil Negligence: Great idea! I'll call Hank and tell him I'll let him know where I buried a jersey in exchanged for Fitted Hat Day.
@Timber, His Arms Wide: Hoffa.
And I'm not completely joking.
I call bullshit on this one. Digging that much concrete ain't easy...this has to be the Yankees PR machine at work.
on a less douchey note, the construction company is sending the jersey to the Jimmy Fund (the Red Sox's main charity) to be auctioned off.
If Boston really wanted to curse the Yankees, why not hire this guy:
+ Watch video
Oh, that's right... Boston has issues with ATHF.
@hockalees: He could always have the aroma of delicious, fresh-baked calzones piped in.
Wrong picture. They didn't dig that up, it's an actual Ortiz game-worn jersey.
Sure, they dug up the jersey. Doesn't change the fact that JBD was there first, bitches...
@Wyshynski:
JD Drew can't even spell his own initials right.
@EddieRebel: Of course, when he starts to hit again this week, I assume that the Yankees will hold a big ceremony to re-bury the jersey.
@1 Speed Bike: Nope. Still douchey.
@Timber, His Arms Wide: You get 1 talking frog point.
@Secret Identity: It was a Lucky Loonie. Gretzky should've named it to the 06 squad instead of Bertuzzi.
@Civil Negligence: No, I'd find it hilarious too. Bonus points if the eventual Yankees digging under a structural column causes a complete collapse of the stadium.
I'm surprised Theo had them bury the jersey and not Papi's TRAUSERS.
Hey-oooo!
If there's anything I like more than ironic puns, it's ironic puns about shitty celebrity bands.
FREE BEER!!!
Judging by the bullet-holes in the back of that jersey, they should probably be looking for the body of whoever it was jacked from.
So what did this guy bury under Yankee Stadium 5 years ago? Curt Shilling is also pissed that his jersey wasn't used.
If they had frozen the shirt into a malt, it would never have been recovered.