Deadspin
It's tough to incentivize a person trying to kick a heroin habit. The only thing you can give them that would make them happy is, uh, more heroin, and that won't do. So England is trying something new: Giving away soccer tickets.
In the U.S., giving away baseball tickets to recovering heroin addicts might make other fans fear for their safety. In England, those people are called "soccer fans."
The DAATs may then hand the tickets to addicts seeking to tackle their problems - even to criminals classed as "prolific and priority offenders".
A Government Office for the North East spokesman said the tickets were given only to those who had shown a "genuine commitment to living a normal, structured life", and were not a reward.
We are thinking of quitting smoking — by "thinking," we mean "considering the possibility of sometime down the road, an indeterminate time that's presumably far, far off" — and would like some free Cardinals tickets, please. We'll sit next to the pale gaunt guy with the sunken eyes.
Drug Addicts Given Tickets To English Premiership Soccer Matches As Incentive [Machochip]
Comments
Just don't give them tix to an Arsenal match. Smack is the only way they'll be able to cope with the inevitable soul-crushing disappointment.
Heroin's a helluva drug.
1) Start using heroin.
2) ??????
3) Profit!
To ensure no gateways to cocaine habits, the actual tickets are serrated.
It's tough to incentivize a person trying to kick a heroin habit.
Punt-astic!
They tried this already in the States; it's why nobody follows hockey anymore.
If I was one of those recovering heroin addicts, I imagine I'd take the tickets, enjoy the game, and celebrate afterwards by shooting some heroin.
Michigan students think they may be onto something.
This is like the time my girlfriend tried to cure me of heterosexuality by giving me tickets to 27 Dresses.
Something like this happened to me while living in Utah except instead of tickets it was a pass and instead of a soccer match it was the third tier of a fiery hell.
I once entered a 12-step program to kick my prawn sandwich addiction.
In a related story, next year New York dealers are giving away Knicks tickets in an effort to get people to start doing heroin.
/ba-dum ching
Newcastle tickets? No thanks, I'll stay on the smack.
So you're going to take someone who has shown "genuine commitment to living a normal, structured life"... and then send them to an English soccer game. Sure, great plan.
Wow, I'd really like a free ticket, but I'm not a heroin addict.
Well, do what you gotta do.
/wraps rubber hose around arm
What about horse tranquilizers?
That trainspotting dude in the chair kinda looks like me. If I were forced to watch a soccer & women's golf marathon on a Sunday afternoon in October when both the NFL and game seven of the ALCS were on the tube.
Don't you have to be on drugs to enjoy soccer anyway?
We'll be the pale gaunt guy with the sunken eyes.
/fixed
Looks like I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue...
I'n American we just let them drive in the NASCAR truck series.
Cool! I love soccer! I'll be on the next fligh...
-Janis Joplin
/thread-WARNING
Today I bought some "Screamin' Dill Pickle" Pringles, you know, on a whim.
Whims are wrong. Bad and wrong.
/end thread-WARNING
I'd just scalp my tickets for smack money.
@thefuseproject: Perhaps your heroin high clouded your judgment?
I bet the heroin addicts are just itching to get those tickets.
/here all week
As a fan of both Trainspotting and soccer, I tried to make some sort of joke that wouldn't involve me posting Begbie's speech, but I couldn't.
Plus, I don't remember all of it.
@StevieY19: You subscribe to Wm. Burroughs & Jim Carroll's newsletter?
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