Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk

It's tough to incentivize a person trying to kick a heroin habit. The only thing you can give them that would make them happy is, uh, more heroin, and that won't do. So England is trying something new: Giving away soccer tickets.

In the U.S., giving away baseball tickets to recovering heroin addicts might make other fans fear for their safety. In England, those people are called "soccer fans."

The DAATs may then hand the tickets to addicts seeking to tackle their problems - even to criminals classed as "prolific and priority offenders".



A Government Office for the North East spokesman said the tickets were given only to those who had shown a "genuine commitment to living a normal, structured life", and were not a reward.

We are thinking of quitting smoking — by "thinking," we mean "considering the possibility of sometime down the road, an indeterminate time that's presumably far, far off" — and would like some free Cardinals tickets, please. We'll sit next to the pale gaunt guy with the sunken eyes.

Drug Addicts Given Tickets To English Premiership Soccer Matches As Incentive [Machochip]