Deadspin
Further proof that Joe Girardi is the Frank Burns of AL managers; he has forbidden the Yankees to eat candy or gum. Yes, that should turn the tide. New York would have four or five more World Series trophies if not for the evil of Skittles. Girardi is being really strict about this.
The Yankees contacted the visiting clubhouse manager of every stadium where they play and asked that the candy and ice cream be removed before the team comes to town. The clubhouse in Tampa Bay replaced all the candy with nuts, dried fruit and granola. It was hilarious to watch as guys smuggled in candy bars and ate them furtively at their lockers.
It's easy to picture this if you think of Joba Chamberlain as Hurley from Lost.
Other ways you know the Yankee candy ban is serious:
• Instead of cork, hollowed-out bats now contain Reese's Pieces.
• Mussina doctoring pitches with chocolate hidden under brim of cap.
• Peppermint jocks.
• Steinbrenner laying off Oompa Loompas right and left.
• Jason Giambi tests positive for nougat.
Eat Healthy, Play Better? [LoHud Yankee Blog]
Comments
How do we work the Cardinals' alcohol ban into this?
what the sam fuck is this team's major malfunction, farnsy ain't playen another day with you north american street apes
the city is to blame, we got a naked cowboy shaken a bee hole in times square and they call the team the "yankees"
like yanky like of the scrotal
George Steinbrenner has stepped in and has also allowed calzones, (delicious calzones!), in the locker room.
alright, you table faces heard the man, big baby moses kyle farnsworth is in charge of the yankees and he's leading you homos to the promise land
Good news: Yankee players are still allowed to snack on penises.
Steinbrenner laying off Oompa Loompas right and left.
I don't think getting rid of Yogi Berra is going to go over well with the team.
What's the one with the swirling chocolate in the commercial?
players immediately consulted giambi and pettite on the best methods to sneak these banned substances into the clubhouse without raising suspicion
Joe's such a fackin' queeah.
A-Rod: "When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation of hitting .173 in the ALDS!"
Won't someone think of the poor ice cream men who will lose their jobs when they can't deliver delicious ice cream to the Yankees' clubhouse? Oh, the humanity!
Ask a Bostonian if sending away Baby Ruths are a good idea.
@ltwinslow: Giambi's belly?
Peppermint jocks.
"Wow, Mr. Rodriguez. Your breath is extra fresh today. What's your secret?"
Peppermint jocks
At least this will be more pleasant for all the jock sniffers.
It's a little known fact that the rosin bag at Yankee Stadium is primarily Lik-M-Aid.
It's a holdover from the David Wells era.
@MDT: I don't talk to shoes.
Yeah, like that's going to stop the buffet wrecking machine that is Wilson Betemit.
However peanut brittle is allowed to provide Carl Pavano with a metaphor for his Yankee career.
Wade Phillips was going to ban candy from the Cowboys' locker room too, but TO told him 100 Grand reasons not to.
I see a Heavyweights 2 in the near future!! Easily Ben Stillers best role.
@Sherrill-Theory: They've removed all the butterscotch?
@phillas: Bostonites? Bostoners? Assholes?
I'm more bothered by my complete and utter disregard for subject-verb agreement. Bad MDT.
This just in...Mark Mangino has put in a request to all MLB clubhouse managers to deliver all the Yankee candy straight to his belly.
@Jews For Purple Jesus: Carl Pavano will eat Luna bars and Luna bars only.
No Big League Chew?! That's... that's... sacrelige!
This will definitely hurt their canine Q-rating.
AND GET RID OF THOSE SIDEBURNS GIAMBI YOU HIPPIE!
/I have no funny, I go to the Simpsons.
Didn't stop the Pope from hankerin for some of those little Tootsie Rolls.
@MDT: a good friend is from Boston. I called him a Bostonian. He responded as I did above and corrected me: Bostonite. In response I called him asshole.
Girardi wants that Golden Ticket so badly.
@Le Kangourou de Kataroo: +1
@The Fan's Attic: This comment makes more sense if I had not deleted "No peanut butter?" at the beginning.
Whether that would actually make the comment funny is unlikely, but at least it is somewhat more sensical.
Hideki Matsui gets special permission to eat his country's terrible, squid-flavored candy.
Operation: Dessert Storm
This is the first step in Girardi's plan to ban fun in the clubhouse.
Oh, I think there'll still be Snickers in the clubhouse when Girardi is present, just like before.
No more fun in the clubhouse? Sounds like bad news for Mahannahan's Child Clown Outlet.
/Great Job!
Yankees players are also banned from flying their own planes.
/Munsoned (...and Lidled)
Jeter then walked away, muttering "Ferret-Face" under his breath.
"Hot Lips" = A-Rod?
Just asking...
What's Giradi's ruling on Wintergreen flavored snuff & chew?
@Sherrill-Theory: Oh. Snap.
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