Deadspin
Now, there is no longer any doubt that Terrell Owens "accidentally" showed up in a frame of the BangBros. "Spring Break Ass" pictorial, as proven by a curt little letter from his attorney, Alan M. Lerner, obtained by TMZ.com, to TheDirty.com.
The letter, addressed to Nik Richie, blah-blah-blahs about all the problems the site has caused for T.O.'s "image" and demands a retraction of the language used in the post and the photo come down.
Nik Richie and his Dirty fellas are kind of pissed, obviously.
Good times. You can read through the letter and marvel at Lerner's legalese.
(UPDATE: Nik Richie tells us he's "Not worried" about any of the legal bitch slapping taking place about this.)
Comments
I don't know why, but I love seeing BANGBROS.COM on legal letterhead.
So TO doesn't like porn?
Allan M. Lerner, Esq. is obviously a Harvard grad. He knew that you have to always capitalize the word "Porn."
Oh my heavens. I...I...I don't know where to start mocking this.
This may well become the greatest comedy pyramid in DS history!
C/O Mackey Mouse? So does BangBros have a Furry Department now as well?
Bang Bros. > Bash Bros.
I think I need to retain Mr. Lerner for when my girlfriend walks in on me jacking off to some really disturbing stuff.
Allan M. Lerner is indeed a Florida Gator... figures.
While somewhat entertaining, I think that theDirty.com represents most of what is wrong with society today
/Santonio Holmes joke
Seriously? They addressed the letter to:
Mackey Mouse
Fantasy Land Department
Dirty Hills, 90210
i know that attorney. well done Alan.
What kind of half-assed law firm would stil use an AOL e-mail address?
pardon me if this was already explained, but do we know HOW T.O. got into that picture? was he photoshoped in or did he happen to walk in frame or was he involved in the production?
This happened to Roy Williams once, but he got off because he was able to prove that he was really just delivering pizza.
Yes, nothing says "serious legal issue" like a letter addressed to Mackey Mouse at the Fantasy Land Department.
Seems reasonable enough.
@twoeightnine: If you take Mackey Mouse out of the loop, I hear he gets Steamin' mad.
@Stay Away From Oprah:
In this case, I think TO was more than happy to leave the tip.
And why is Matt Leinart driving the jeep?
The TMZ stationary is a little tacky.
Reached for comment, T.O said "That's my spring break ass. My spring break ass. It's not fair."
Must be related to those other Mickey Mouse operations out there.
@ltwinslow: I'd watch it. Statements like that may get you disbarred.
He muh coat-a-bak.
/ wimper
@teh_joe: It's Miami. This shit is on every street corner, right?
/books next flight to Miami
Betta get your motions ready!
Can't be real. I hope it is, just can't.
Of course, when has TMZ ever led us astray?
I like how nasty letters always end with the most polite salutation. "We demand justice or else!" is followed up with "Very Truly Yours." I love lawyers.
"It was unknown to him at the time the photo was taken that the person or parties taking this photograph would be publishing it on your website in order to hold him up to disrepute (sic) and smear his reputation by linking it to Porn."
Yeah, TO just thought he was filming porn. He had no idea Nik Richie would be making fun of him on Dirty.com.
Either this is a fake letter or that is the worst attorney ever.
Why doesn't T.O. just sue them into bankruptcy?
This sort of thing would only happen to TO.
Billy Mays approves of this war on the dirty.
[www.lions-share-ent.com]
Can't T.O. visit his ex-publicist on a movie set without it coming across as an endorsement of the movie?
"I would appreciate a confirmation within five days of this letter."
This guy does know about the interwebs and email, right?
What T.O. really wants to do is direct.
It's all a big misunderstanding people. He thought the porn star was a prostitute.
Seriously, Porn is capitalized? I knew it was important, but who knew?
seems to me that "smear" might not have been the best word choice available.
This type of abuse of the internet...is prohibited.
It is? Abuse of the internet? WTF is that?
Jeff Garcia just canceled his recently activated BANGBROS account.
Idiots, all of 'em.
@Wyshynski: Mays dyes his beard with bong sludge.
If you can't stand the scorn, don't to the porn.
Did he hire his attorney at the same place he hired his PR lady?
/Alexander City?
Clarence Thomas is praying that this somehow winds its' way to the Supreme Court.
I thought Al Lerner was dead.
I like that he makes it clear that it is "hardcore" porn, er, Porn. Does that mean that TO will be starring in a Skinemax flick soon?
Oh dear.
TMZ included the lawyer's email address.
Note to Alan Lerner: using AOL as your business email does not inspire confidence.
Neither does the phrase "pause for concern".
@Carson:
So, who's going to be the first person to sign him up for The Dirty's newsletter?
....among other things....
(hint, hint)
@Carson: He also thinks Coca-Cola is "The Cause That Refreshes."
@ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos:
I don't ever pay attention to a letter from an attorney unless it comes certified.
@Dany Heatley Speedwagon: +1
We also would have accepted, "It's a pornography store. I was buying pornagraphy."
If the tip don't fit you must acquit.
Apparently, they don't teach punctuation/proofreading at mail-order law school.
@Afino:
He might classify that as "abuse of the Internet".
I'll bet the girl on the cover has a different definition.
Doesn't anyone else think it's weird that the dead owner of the Cleveland Browns is Terrell Owens' lawyer?
@theballadofrickeyfoggie: worst attorney ever.
going out of business sale on all office furniture, legal pads, laywerly sports jackets at 2888 East Oakland Park, Ft. Lauderdale!!!!
I'm not signing off on that letter. Since when do letters from attorneys ever not take the opportunity to threaten to unleash a litany of legal action against you? This guys legalese is some of the worst I've ever read. This can't be real. If it is, dude needs to turn of Boston Legal.
@Chamomiles Davis: Jokes like that are a lost pause.
I'm surprised the lawyer even knows the internet exists or how to get on to the information superhighway. He's ancient.
[www.nsulaw.nova.edu]
Dear TMZ.com and the internet,
I'd like to thank TMZ.com and the internet in general for finding these letters/emails/correspondence from attorneys, which has shown me how stupid some of the people are in my chosen profession. And, for showing me what not to do.
Sincerely,
TFA
Macky Sasser > Macky Mouse
TO should respond with a letter from Lionel Hutz, Esq.
Looks like T.O. won't be renewing his Ox Pass next month.
I always thought the Fantasy Land Department would be at 123 Fake St.
@The Fan's Attic: this is how all laywers are, dude.
this letter was taken straight from Ye Olde Leather-Bound Law-Talkin'-Guy Book of Law Letter Templates.
and those of us who are NOT lawyers blame lawyers for just about everything that is wrong in America today. insurance costs, congested courts, the general Pussification of America, greed, bad suits, combovers, high milk prices, herpes... you name it.
use gloves while opening that manilla envelope. that's one thing ya don't wanna catch.
"Now, Mr. Lerner, your resume states: '1978 - 1985: Adjunct Professor at Nova Law School.' Just to clarify, do you mean Villanova Law School?"
"Uhhh, yeah, sure. Whatever."