Deadspin
Anyone watch Law & Order: Special Victims Unit? Apparently Tuesday's episode involved a thinly disguised version of Tom Brady, who was a gay quarterback implicated in a murder. Sample dialogue: "Lincoln Haver is gay? I thought he was dating Natasha Gorski, that hot supermodel." "You can't blame Lincoln for having a beard. This gets out, his career's over." Indeed.
In an episode titled "The Closet," a pro football player who wears No. 12, has a cleft chin and a supermodel galpal, plays in a red-and-blue stadium and is "the best quarterback in football" is the prime suspect in a gay murder. Any resemblance to any New England Patriots QB is, we're sure, entirely intentional!
In the show, Brady, or I mean Haver, is actually innocent. So the hunt for the real killer continues. Of course Brady Quinn must have an alibi for the hours in question, right?
SVU Closet Case Slams Close To Home [Boston Herald]
Comments
Let me guess Stabler and Benson solve the murder when a videotape of the crime emerges.
police have named jeff garcia as a "person of interest"
The answer to the question, "Anyone watch Law & Order: Special Victims Unit?" is always: No.
That picture is gayer than the gayest gayness that ever gayed.
He'll be completing passes...in the prison yard.
/Orbach'd
As long as it involves Richard Belzer looking at half a dozen computer monitors, it's fine with me. I don't know what that guy does on SVU, but it looks like a dream job to me.
The victim of the murder is a popular Internet sports columnist, the "Athletics Gent."
Executive Producer: Woody Johnson.
Everyone knows that Drew Bledsoe is behind the murder.
Gatta find Law an' Ordah SVU producah's house. Pipe bombs are fawking heavy.
@ArkansasFred: It gives a whole new meaning to running it up the hole.
/#2 of 400 required double-entendres for any episode
Law and Order: SVU has nothing on "Ride'em Cowboy" starring Tony Homo.
Ice-T woulda put a cap in Brady's ass.
In due time this episode will truely be ripped from the headlines
Law and Order SVU plot generator: Sexmurder! Stabler squints and grimaces, Benson suffers a trauma, and look: a hot new ADA!
@Weed Against Speed: Thats because Mo Lewis framed the wrong guy.
pro football player who wears No. 12, has a cleft chin and a supermodel galpal, plays in a red-and-blue stadium...
Jared Lorenzen???
@Steve518: Here's #3...
Although he's an adept quarterback, he can catch with the best of them.
This was like that episode of My Name Is Earl where a fictional quarterback kept throwing interceptions.
No wait, that wasn't a TV episode, it was the 49ers game I saw last year.
The head writer for this episode is named Schmayton Schmanning.
ENRAGED AND/OR MILDLY HOMOPHOBIC EXPRESSION OF DISCONTENT AT THIS PORTRAYAL OF A MEMBER OF MY LOCAL ATHLETIC TEAM COUPLED WITH ASSERTION THAT THE PURVEYORS AND/OR ENDORSERS OF SAID PORTRAYAL WILL COME TO RUE THIS DAY UPON THE ARRIVAL OF THIS YEAR'S SEQUENCE OF PRESCHEDULED SPORTING EVENTS
I thought John Elway was in the closet.
@Weed Against Speed: Brady committed the murder, Bledsoe manned the clipboard.
Clearly they're referring to Jared Lorenzen.
They later mention that the team's fanbase consists mostly of douchebags, that there was a videotaping incident last year and that they lost a Super Bowl which they were heavily favored to win.
I'm sure it's all a coincidence.
Was Terrell Owens also cropped out of that picture?
The plot twist at the end is that the murder was secretly taped.
DAH DAH DAAAAAHHH!!
Big deal. They have a new muppet based on Eli Manning on Sesame Street.
Are we really calling the murder of a gay person a "gay murder," Boston Herald? Seems like incorrect adjectival designation.
@Afino: Closet, Stable, whatever.
Esera Tuaolo consulted on the script.
[www.queermusicheritage.us]
@Steve518: "He's going to learn a whole new meaning to the term two-minute drill."
@Brazil Thrill - Hawks Aficionado: Also, a black guy is turned down for a promotion in the Boston DA's office.
@HazelMaesLandingStrip: @suntastic: nice job reading the comments
@Peter Cavan: Richard Belzer's job, whatever it is, has always been my dream job.
"of course Lincoln had a beard"
That line is so bad The Hills writers just cringed.
Matt Walsh will be providing the video tape evidence of this to Roger Goddell next month.
Did Lincoln Haver's team finish 18-1?
"Tom Brady is Out Of The Closet and Bent O[ver]"
He got away with this murder, just like the previous 17. But that streak has to end at some point.
@Matt_T: whoa whoa whoa there fella, The Hills writers?!!? Surely you jest that such a thing exists!
Munch is in charge of the all important scrapbooking operations.
He actually committed the murder, but his attorney got him off on a technicality known as the Tuck Clause.
@ArkansasFred: and the prison showers.
So wait, the gay quarterback plays in a racist town full of douchey bandwagon fans? Screw it, I'm holding out for the episode based on Osi Umenyora.
@Carlton_Whitfield: They made a point to mention that the only reason why Lincoln Haver won his first Super Bowl was because a ref made an ill-advised decision and applied the often ignored "nuck rule".
@HazelMaesLandingStrip: Dammit! Now I feel like Fredo Corleone.
Andy Peat's woman said he popped her. Coach Hobo's up to his crow's feet in Jersey housewife tail. The commish is draggin' his feet. Welcome to the era of the Patriot Act (SUBTLE SUBTLE SUBTLE CHUNG-CHUNG).
- Cragen
@pr0FF3ss0r_j3rkwh3at: I think the "writer" he was referring was Heidi and her songwriting. The Hills is real life at most bare and unscripted.
I'm Brady is all torn up about this.
Besides having sex with men, that photo shoot is the gayest thing about Tom Brady.
i heard that OJ is helping out on the case
"Gays don't murder. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France."
MILF Island is based on Bill Belichick's childhood memoir.
The killer was Wansley Walker.
I would still rock Benson's world.
/just sayin
Who played SuperMike, the out-of-the-closet guy-pal who only wished that Haver would admit his gayness and they could live a football-free existence on Planet Unicorn?
What do you get for a gay murder, a gay sentence?
@futuremrsrickankiel: JI
JIM THOME? Is that you?
So that Proclaimers song was actually a conversation between two gay guys?
@ArkansasFred: Briscoe was great, but you can't beat the CSI:Miami openers for unintentional comedy. Say a WR gets murdered, you'd get
"Horatio, it looks like caught one in the chest"
"I think... " *puts on sunglasses* "that was the last catch he'll ever make".
YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Has anyone accounted for Tommy from Quinzee's whereabouts on the night of the incident?
Tom Brady, top or bottom?
Talk amongst yourselves.
"Anyone watch Law & Order: Special Victims Unit?"
Gosh, if only I could find it on television....what network is it on again?
Congratulations to Deadspin on breaking this huge story! Wow, Tom Brady, gay... who saw that coming???
Mariska has some nice hot mommy boobs. Too bad about her mom's (Jayne Mansfield) head gettin ripped off while she watched though. That had to suck.
I saw the show (yeah yeah, f*** all y'all) and it wasn't believable at all! The alleged NYC 'supermodel' looked like Tori Spelling.