Where, Uh, Whoa, Amazing Highs Happen

Dominating the headlines this Saturday is the shocking (shocking!) admission by the Mavericks' Josh Howard that he, like every one in the NBA who isn't J.J. Reddick, smokes trees in the off-season. Also: baseball players take steroids and politicians cheat on their spouses.

"Most of the players in the league use marijuana and I have and do partake in smoking weed in the offseason sometimes," Howard told The Michael Irvin Show on the local ESPN affiliate. "I mean, that's my personal choice and my personal opinion, but I don't think that's stopping me from doing my job."

Irvin then laughed and called him a lightweight.

Yes, marijuana is one of them there controlled substances so the league and Mark Cuban have wrung their hands until they're rubbed raw about meting out symbolic punishment. Not that DUIs are a problem or anything, Melo.

As long as weed is illegal there has to be disproportionate punishment for even daring to speak its name. That's why you have to be subtle about it, Josh, like Clipse and Pharrell. See, they make you think "Gangta Lean" is really about some hot chick. But there's a secret message you get only if you're superattentive like me: it's about weed!

Oh girl ya taste is
Sweet like mornin' dew
I would go crazy girl
If I couldn't have none of you

Hell yeah. She sounds HOTT!

I said ya from Jamaica
Straight outta my Mercedes trunk

Well, uh, now I'm kind of hoping it's not a girl, to be perfectly honest. The message here is be subtle. Or try drinking in your free time. No one loses their job for that!