
The Falcons wish to remain anonymous. After a year of dog torturing and climb-out-the bathroom-window coach quitting, the team would like to return to the quiet old days when David Archer was the quarterback and the average crowd rivaled the turnout on the Asia reunion tour. They hired someone named Mike Smith as head coach because no one named John Doe was qualified for the job. With Michael Vick, D'Angelo Hall, Alge Crumpler and Warrick Dunn all gone, the team had to decide who belonged on the cover of the media guide: Keith Brooking or Funky Winkerbean.
Now, they finally have someone to namedrop during television promos (Sunday, Reggie Bush, Drew Brees and the Saints take on um ... um ... um ... the Falcons!). Ryan is more than a quarterback. He is one of America's greatest heroes. He fought terrorists, taught at the naval academy, helped capture a Soviet submarine captained by a defecting Russian officer with a strange Scottish accent, and even became president of the United States.
Oops, that was Jack Ryan.
Matt Ryan's just a quarterback from Boston College. Golden Eagle quarterbacks come in all shapes and sizes. Some are tall, like Ryan (a strapping 6-4 plus change). Some are short, like Doug Flutie (but with scrappiness to spare!) Some are bald, like Matt Hasselbeck. Some are married to cute-yet-shrewish succubae, like Tim Hasselbeck. Some, like Brian St. Pierre, just are.
And Ryan is a better prospect than any of them, better than Flutie, better than Hasselbeck the non-Elizabeth Encumbered. He isn't getting the superstar treatment some top quarterback prospects earn, in part because he broke his foot in his junior year and has a Favrish tendency to throw interceptions right into defender's chests. But Mike Mayock (who knows a little something about this stuff) points out that Ryan had no one to throw to at BC and often had to force passes just to generate offense. And once the foot healed last year, we saw that he had mobility to match his arm and decisiveness. Ryan is ready to play right away.
And I'm told that Ryan simply loves animals.









Comments
Somewhere in Kansas, Ookie weeps...
God bless Jets fans. Except that bald firefighter. He's a douchesunt of epic proportions.
Just a quick memo to the NFL Network crew:
Yes, the Falcons don't have Warrick Dunn (who hasn't been good in a couple years anyway). Yes, they signed a guy who a backup his whole career (Turner).
But does anyone besides Falcons fans know who Jerious Norwood is? Jesus.
anyone else already banned by KSK?
@FiddlingWhileJimRomeBurns brought to you by Diebold: Looks like Glenn Dorsey fell right to KC's laps.
@Slothrop:
They're banning people?
Herbstreit would like to remind you about SEC SPEEEEEED
@I Party With Ookie Cooke On Draft Day:
I don't listen to hip-hop
@Brazil Thrill - Hawks Aficionado: You forget this is the same team that hired Herm Edwards. Personnel decisions aren't their strong point.
I wonder if tWWL would be so in love with him had he not played in the northeast.
@I Party With Ookie Cooke On Draft Day: The only reason why Norwood didn't get much recognition is because coach Putridno refused to make him a starter.
@bizzo5000:
apparently--my comments were showing up, but no longer.
Ryan is ready to play right away.
This is the Falcons we're talking about, right? I've got nieces that are ready to play right away in Atlanta.
How much you want to bet the Under Armour guy is on mountains of coke?
@LeagueofShadows: Or is tripping on roid rage.
Is that a watch Dorsey's wearing or a tape measure?
Don't fuck this up Carl.
@Slothrop:
Was your handle :"I Post in Washington"?
@Da_Mang: Really? Cause ESPN pays SOOOO much attention to BC. Pretty much everyone is in love with him cause hes the top QB. Happens every year.
@Brazil Thrill - Hawks Aficionado: Apparently Petrino didn't understand that the guy that breaks off long runs EVERY GAME should be your starter. The Cowboys just recently figured this out too, I guess.
@She Blinded Me With Violence: I dont know, but I've seen chrome rims on cars that are smaller.
Is it just me or are you mad seeing the green room reactions before the pick? It kind of ruins the suspense.
@FiddlingWhileJimRomeBurns brought to you by Diebold: See ya at the Glenn Dorsey post.
@Adonis:
No, its: "I love WaPo and being fucking wasted."
@LeagueofShadows: He's like a black, jacked up Scarface in that regard.
@I Party With Ookie Cooke On Draft Day: Wait, look at Dorsey's watch! Tell me booster money didn't pay for that much bling.
With the sixth pick in the draft, the Jets select... fullback, Owen Schmitt, West Fuckin' Virginia.
Herm Edwards just called a timeout.
Oh, and the Magic lead the Raptors 31-26.
Yep, I got NBA Playoffs in your NFL Draft. WHAT!!
@She Blinded Me With Violence: Roger Vick resents that remark.
@Da_Mang: No. In that case, he'd be John-David Booty.
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