Deadspin
The NHL Closer is written by the five Masters of Their Universe over at Melt Your Face Off. When not trying to fix the damn trap door in their Castle Grayskull, they can be found debating whether Teela or the Sorceress would have been the easier lay.
Luckily, Riunite Was Not Involved This Time. On the ice at the same time when the winning goal was scored in the Pittsburgh Penguins' 2-0 shutout of the New York Rangers on Sunday afternoon, the wild and crazy Staal brothers left their parents conflicted on whether to be excited or depressed (kind of like me when the circus comes to town - don't ask) regarding the outcome of the game. Jordan (the one that's into hip hop) put the puck past Henrik Lundqvist after Evgeni Malkin shook off Marc (the quiet, brooding one) and fed Jordan for the game-winner.
Marc-Andre Fleury was solid between the pipes, stopping 26 shots. Lundqvist was no slouch either, making 30 saves, many of them with a traffic jam in front of his crease. Adam Hall sealed the victory for the Penguins with an empty-netter with 17 seconds left.
The Rangers appeared to tie the game when Martin Straka got the puck past Fleury, but referee Dan O'Halloran, suffering from premature whistleation, blew the play dead before the puck trickled in when he lost sight of it. Rumor has it a hit has been put on O'Halloran by the Lucchese crime family.
The Rangers appear to have lost their edge and confidence after blowing a 3-0 lead in Game 1 of the series, ultimately losing that game 5-4. New York will have the opportunity to get back on track with some home cooking as Game 3 is at Madison Square Garden on Tuesday night.
Sean Avery was up to his usual antics at the end of the game, invading Fleury's personal space as the horn sounded. Fleury and Avery exchanged shots with their sticks, a fracas ensued and the stage has been set for a bit of the old Ultra-Violence. At this point, Versus Studio Analyst Keith Jones, closed his notebook, walked down to the railyard and carved "Game Over" into a transient's chest. That guy's bloodlust cannot be satiated. Perhaps Avery and Jones both need Elisha to soothe their savage tendencies. It couldn't hurt.—Weed Against Speed
Smile, You Son-Of-A ...: For two periods, the Sharks controlled the energy and tempo of this game. Marty Turco did the splits, stood on his head, and controlled his urges to nutmeg a forechecking forward to hold the Sharks to a 2-1 lead.
Then, the Sharks lost their will and desire to play, surrendering four goals in the third period en route to a 5-2 victory, giving the Stars a 2-0 series lead heading back to Dallas. Thirty seconds into the period, Joel Pavelski lost an edge in the Sharks zone, allowing Brad Richards to steal the puck and rip it past Evgeni Nabokov stick-side. Three minutes later, Mike Modano gave the Stars their first lead on an abbreviated power play. Two Niklas Hagman goals provided ample insurance and a chorus of boos at the Shark Tank.
Although Turco stopped 29 of 31 shots, he showed signs of turning into the "bad" Turco. In his attempts to become the Stars #1 defenseman, he turned the puck over twice in the third period. First, he tried to clear the puck through the center of the defensive zone, which lead to a Mard-Eduoard Vlasic shot that missed everything. Two minutes later, he misplayed another puck behind the net, giving the Sharks a chance which they did not deserve. Marty, you have an oversized stick for a reason. Do not play the puck and your team will advance. —Raskolnikov
Puckdumps
* The folks at NBC seem to believe that Alexander Ovechkin plays for the Canadiens. If that were the case, would the residents of Montreal insist we refer to Ovie as Unfrozen Cro Magnon Hockey Player. instead? On Frozen Blog
* Barry Melrose Rocks authors a post about Flyers fans editing Barry Melrose's Wikipedia page. Universe caves in on itself. Barry Melrose Rocks
* It appears my dream of Sidney Crosby and Jaromir Jagr starting a band together isn't ever going to happen. I imagine they would have sounded a lot like Seals & Crofts, only they wouldn't be the GREATEST BAND EVER! NHL Fanhouse
Finally, video of Brad Richards reacting to getting a beer dumped on him in the penalty box during Game 1 of the Habs/Flyers series. No word on whether the fan who committed the act was ejected from the arena. The last time I dumped a beer on someone, I was kicked out of the Ball Pit at Chuck E. Cheese's.
Comments
It was Mike Richards.
And I'm sure that happened in Philly, as we're a bunch of classless thugs and the worst fans in sports.
Really? Montreal? You don't say.
Emphatic Marv Albert type YES!!!!
...they can be found debating whether Teela or the Sorceress would have been the easier lay.
The fact that the Sorceress was Teela's mother makes the conversation that much creepier.
Oh, and Teela for sure.
Can I still claim to be a Pens' fan even though I've only watched them play three times this year? How much carryover is there from owning a partial season ticket plan in 1998? I need a ruling.
Also...god heavens.
That's Mike Richards on the Flyers.
I'm surprised the Montreal mob didn't try to set Richards on fire.
@ArkansasFred: Dammit. Well, you caught my name mistake of the day. Apologies.
But the Elisha photos are pretty nice, right?
@MattinglysSideburns: Creepier? Or hotter?
Man, she is awesome... except for her taste in guys, obviously. So much better than the Elisha we usually talk about.
(Call me!)
@ArkansasFred: But they did it with flair and elan. And it was probably decent beer.
@Weed Against Speed:
I'm not complaining.
I'm voting Teela.
I'd like to see Avery get back with Elisha. Then die.
In other words, Elisha Cuthbert should come to the Pens-Rangers games naked.
How old is Teela? I mean, she's out of Rocket territory, right?
Hal Gill - fastest gloves off in the east.
Yes, please. I'll take it to go.
so.. Keith Jones is Greg Easterbrook minus the antisemitism, pretentiousness, and obsession with "smart" cheerleaders that he uses to rationalize his masturbation?
In other words, he's nothing like Easterbrook
@TheStarterWife: Honestly, how great was that? Sean Avery deserves nothing short of having Gill and Laraque throwing hammers at him every time he breathes. Here's hoping Scary Gary plays on Tuesday, if it's anything like his first game against Ottawa he'll probably get sent off while picking Avery's entrails out of his teeth.
@TheStarterWife: I was losing my shit when he nearly murdered Avery.
All aboard the USS Hal Gill.
@TheStarterWife: There was a certain beauty to seeing Laraque and Gill crushing Avery near the boards at the end. It's almost like the adults had stepped in when the 10-year-old got out of line.
see the curtains hangin' in the window in the evening on a friday night
little light is shinein' through the window let's me now everything's alright
summer breeze, makes me feel fine don't indure the jasmine in my mind
Brad Richards scored one more point last night than the other big trade deadline acquisition in Dallas. That tells you all you need to know about how the Mavs and Stars are doing in the playoffs.
/ESPN comment-of-the-day-itized
Jem > Teela
@OchentaYcinco: ...he'll probably get sent off while picking Avery's entrails out of his teeth.
Or maybe he'll just call everyone on and lose his shit only after the refs get between him and the opposite team.
/not bitter or anything.
Sean Avery needs to die...in a fire...choking on the anal bleedings of a large animal.
Sean Avery, if you don't fuck that chick, I WILL KILL MYSELF!
: @Wyshynski: @Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies: @OchentaYcinco:
It was like he was Hall Gill - SUPER ACTION FIGURE WITH QUICK RELEASE GLOVE ACTION. He was just not going to put up with any shit.
It was, as they say, a great day for hoc-key.
The emergence of Marc-Andre Fleury as a neo-Belfour willing to groin-thwack guys like Avery and Marty Lapointe is my favorite postseason development, while Mike Ribeiro's bank goal from behind the net off the back of the Russian novelist's pads is my fave postseason goal to date.
I hope Laraque vents Avery's mouth.
/strange urge for Coors Light
@TheStarterWife: @Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies: That's the fastest I've seen either Gill or Laraque move since they came to Pittsburgh.
@TheStarterWife: He came in a deluxe set along with SEAN AVERY WITH LIGHTNING FAST TURTLE SHELL ACTION.
Crosby needs to start a band with Rick Nash. There's Still time; they're both Young.
See this beer here? This is Hi-Fi... high fidelity. What that means is that it's the highest quality fidelity.
[farm4.static.flickr.com]
@Le Légende de Vincent Tremblay: Gill's like what? 6'7 and how many pounds? The man was not build for speed. He was built to look like an American Hero for beating on Avery.
There is beer at Chuck E Cheese? Is that why my mom would take me?
I know what you mean about going to the circus, love the tigers, hate the clowns.
"....walked down to the railyard and carved "Game Over" into a transient's chest." >>>>>>>>>>>> "....and TMQ wrote "Game Over" into his notebook."
Yeah, the whistle sucked, but the Rangers have to be able to score more than once! I'm wearing a jersey to work today for luck.
Best. NHL. Closer. Ever.
Besides, she wouldn't get back with Avery, he's what you call a F-A-G Queer!
@The HZA: Mom! Dad said stop drinking and come home!
Actually, Elisha Cuthbert is why Sean Avery is so grouchy. She dumped him for Rodger Clemens.
Dear Elisha; let me see you smile
Dear Elisha; Avery is a little child
The Pens will be a daisy chain
So let me see you naked again
Dear Elisha; won't you come to Average's to play?
@TheStarterWife: And that's how much Sean Avery pisses people off.
And I may have to buy a Hal Gill USA Hockey jersey after seeing that picture. The Penguins' Olympians have all been Canadians and Europeans, and I'm getting a bit squirrely about Malone's chances of fitting under the Pens' cap.
@Wyshynski: If only we had Scott Stevens for even one game of the Rangers series, "Rule No. 16" wouldn't have even been necessary.
/sigh. . .
@kayceebk:
Oh Jesus not another Devils "If only" speech.
@kayceebk: If we had Scott Stevens, we would have played the Senators or Bruins in the first round and all of this would have been a horrible, horrible dream.
@Honus: Bugger off. ;) (That semicolon and parenthesis indicate I meant the previous statement in a lighthearted way!)