We know, we know: None of you care about competitive eating as much as we do. That still doesn't make this plea to make competitive eating an Olympic sport any less inspired.

This plea for peace among protesters came before Joey Chestnut broke the world record in asparagus eating. He ate 8.8 pounds of asparagus. If you we were wondering what that smell in your office was, it was Joey Chestnut urinating from 1,000 miles away.