Deadspin
So here's a photo of one of the "ladies" who had a run-in with AC Milan soccer star Ronaldo on Monday. Not a bad effort I suppose, but I wouldn't need the entire running time of The Crying Game to guess this secret, would you? New details of the magical evening have emerged, so after you have made the Ann Coulter joke of your choosing, let's proceed.
The motel manager — identified only as Luisa — said Ronaldo, who was dressed and appeared to be sober, tried to get rid of the prostitutes after realizing they were men. She told police Ronaldo offered the prostitutes $600 to end the incident but they would not accept dollars. The manager then converted the money into reals for Ronaldo, but before he made the payment one prostitute asked for 50,000 reals ($30,000) to keep the story from the media, according to the police document. A motel waiter, who was not identified in the police documents, told police the prostitute went to the street and yelled "the Phenomenon didn't want to pay."
Apparently cleared of any wrongdoing by Rio police — prostitution is not only legal in Brazil, it's encouraged! — Ronaldo is in hiding at the moment, trying to rehab a knee injury. All of this has baffled his fans, as you might imagine.
"It's really a soap opera," said 48-year-old Luiz Mendes, a private chauffeur. "Ronaldo has money to fill mattresses. He can afford the best and most beautiful women in the world. Why would he want to go out with these (prostitutes)."
Hmm, I wonder what word he actually used there.
In the interests of full disclosure, I once danced with a transvestite at a showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show in San Diego 1999. I'm telling you now because Costas would have dragged it out of me eventually anyway.
Ronaldo Plays The Crying Game [Deadspin]
Ronaldo In Hiding After Cross-Dressing Prostitutes Incident [Associated Press]
Comments
That's like the...Michael Jordan of trannies!
He was trying to fuck one of the Geico cavemen?
This just proves the common American belief: Soccer is gay.
What could she possibly be air quoting?
Go ahead. I dare someone.
Didn't know Michelle Rodriquez was a tranny. I guess she has to support herself someway since getting the boot from Lost.
"I am not a chick."
-Nixon'ed
@ArkansasFred: He said he was "Cristiano" Ronaldo.
Sanjaya
So what was revealed first - Renaldo's O Face or the chick's schlongs?
Damn I'm good.
Now I'm not the worlds most passionate guy, but when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine...
What could she possibly be air quoting?
Vagina.
Ha ha! Ronaldo is FAT! Ha ha ha!
So thats what Wilmer Valderrama's been up to since 'Yo Mama' went off the air.
Wasn't he/she dating Lindsay Lohan at one time?
Um, Yes...? I mean, assuming you didn't know she was a he.
/shows self out.
yes. yes i would
/Jim Norton
@ArkansasFred: Singing, "I enjoy being a 'girl'..."
@ArkansasFred: C'mon really, what exactly is a "vagina" needed for?
@ArkansasFred: "So maybe I'm not 'the norm'. I'm not 'camera friendly'...I've never had 'sex with a woman', I'm not sure 'how that works'...I 'frighten children'"
"Maybe I'm not "the norm". I'm not "camera friendly". I don't "wear clothes that fit me". I'm not a "heartbreaker". I haven't "had sex with a woman"; I don't know "how that works". I guess I don't "fall in line". I'm not "hygenic". I don't "wipe properly". I lack "style". I have no "charisma" or "self esteem". I don't "own a toothbrush" or "let my scabs heal". I can't "reach all the parts of my body". When I sleep, I "sweat profusely"."
I don't "wear deodorant."
@ArkansasFred:
"Pre-Op"
We don't want your stinkin' dollars, we wants Reals monies.
@LeagueofShadows: @roland_t_flakfizer: Wow. A trifeca.
Is it just me, or does... she... kinda look like what tranny Ronaldo would look like?
Dude was trying to get it on with himself!
"And this is how long it is. Fully functional, too."
/Sorry
but they would not accept dollars
Did he try offering, say, crack?
There isn't enough caipirinha in Brazil.
@LeagueofShadows: I miss you, Chris Farley...
@HIV 2 Elway: +1 for accuracy, +1 for humor.
I don't see what that picture of Rafael Nadal has to do with the story.
You mean to tell me Brazilian tranny hookers have gone off the dollar standard? Man, we're in trouble...
A-Rod is so damn jealous right now.
"Things", most likely.
@UkraineNotWeak: Well done, I couldn't remember the whole thing, so I did the part that apply I remembered.
His Italian team mates don't understand why he was upset.
-They have to pay a litte extra for that service
@ASox: +1
And where's Brazil Thrill? He needs to regale us all with tales of encouraged prostitution with trannies in his motherland.
"Eu prefiro ter sexo no 'escuro'."
Dad?
@She Blinded Me With Violence: He is "otherwise occupied" at the moment and wants to know where in the ALT he can change dollars for reals.
OR, ATL.
And I keed, I keed!
(Stupid Hawks ruining the reemergence of my beloved Celtics...)
I believe she was saying "So what if I don't have a regular 'vagina'. Some guys like it when I give them the 'dead fish treatment'. Who says a dick and a pair of balls can't be 'taped in such a way as to simulate a vagina'?"
But then again maybe Ronaldo is just really into 'sword fighting'.
That Red Sox "chick" on the last post is another of them, right?
So, she had a goalie blocking the box. Never seemed to bother Ronaldo before.
And yes, "The Crying Game" is now stuck in my head. Fortunately I lurve that song.
What?
Less than an hour until Liverpool v. Chelsea!!
If anyone knows a scenario in which both teams could lose, please tell me!
Another sign of how far the dollar has fallen.
@She Blinded Me With Violence:
Dear Deadspin,
I never thought this would happen to me. I was walking around Ipanema beach, when this beautiful lady came up to me and asked me what my name was. She told me her name was "Maria", making air quotes as each syllable left her beautiful lips. At the time I did not realize the significance of her hand signs, but this proved to be a meaty piece of foreshadowing...
The fuck's a San Diego 1999?
That chick from High School Musical will do anything for publicity.
T.O. said: If it looks like an ugly chick and smells like an ugly chick, it's probably a hot trannie.
Those aren't air quotes, she's demonstrating how she got from point A to point B