Deadspin
Florida quarterback Tim Tebow is an amazing, versatile quarterback, able to chuck a pass 50 yards, turn the corner and a linebacker and plow over undersized defensive lineman. He's a Renaissance Man, a do-gooder, a man of America. His skills run deep. How deep? Trust us, you don't want to know.
Tebow, famous for his charity and missionary work, spent his spring break in The Philippines. What was he doing? Circumcizing children.
"The first time, it was nerve-racking," he said. "Hands were shaking a little bit. I mean, I'm cutting somebody. You can't do those kinds of things in the United States. But those people really needed the surgeries. We needed to help them."
Richard Moleno, a Florida graduate and aspiring doctor, said: "You could see he was really into it. He thought it was cool. I'd make a stitch, he'd cut a stitch. He got his hands a little wet in surgery."
Tebow is to be commended for his sense of duty to help the downtrodden; we salute him. So, now that that's out of the way ... BLECH.
Tebow Begins Work On His Doctorate [The Wizard Of Odds]
Comments
Sure, but let's see him do one in the back seat of a moving car on a bumpy road. Then I'll be impressed.
You could see he was really into it.
no words...
Shanoff is willing to go through it again if it involves Tebow.
That Tim Tebow! He has a smile that makes panties and foreskins melt right off.
sense of duty to help the downtrodden
Is this a Gilbert & Sullivan plot? I am the Very Model of a Modern Circumsizing QB?
Shaky The Mohel?
Brady Quinn is so jealous.
Handling underage dongs in Southeast Asia usually doesn't result in so many accolades.
Did Shanoff volunteer to get his Teboner done?
"But those people really needed the surgeries."
Qua???
@formerly Chief Wahoo: funniest SNL skit. EVER.
@formerly Chief Wahoo: If it's the Royal Deluxe II, that'd be no problem.
@Clare: That might be the most disgusting comment I've ever written. I award me no Deadpoints, and may God have mercy on my soul.
I take my machine here, I take your little thing, I put it through this hole and then...I nip the tip! Who's first?
Richard Moleno, a Florida graduate and aspiring doctor, said: "You could see he was really into it. He thought it was cool. I'd make a stitch, he'd cut a stitch. He got his hands a little wet in surgery."
Moises Alou approves of Tebow's technique.
@Lady Andrea:
Tebow does a solo, a capella version of the whole thing.
Who tipped this story?
Except that medicine has proven that circumcisions are not necessary...
So..Be A Missionary! Brainwash Native Heathens! Minimize Their Native Culture! Remove Excess Foreskin!
It should also be noted that Tebow performed these operations in a very fast manner.
ESS EE SEE SP33DZ0RZ!!!
I hear he worked for tips.
Running quickly after that old joke.
Somewhere: Buzz Bissinger buys 1 way plane ticket to the Philippines.
Things I want back:
1) My Yankees keychain
2) My foreskin
3) My innocence
Thanks for nothing, Tebow!
I thought the US was one of the last places circumcising babies. (And Israel.)
"But those people really needed the surgeries."
Hardly.
@Juancho: No love for "Old Glory Robot Insurance"?
@Rob Iracane: I believe it was the New York Times, originally. Unfortunately, it didn't make the cut.
Tebow then showed the Children his Merkin and said "this is what you have to look forward to"
I don't think Jesus would even do that.
@TheStarterWife: It's the Puritan side in us.
@Rob Iracane: Whoever it was deserves to get the shaft.
Somewhere a group of violins are playing a melancholy rendition of "Rock and Roll Part 2"
For circumcisions, I would hope he uses a smaller spear.
"How about our little Elaine... Attended the finest finishing schools on the eastern seaboard, equestrian competitions, debutante balls... Look at her now - interviewing mohels."
Tebow, famous for his . . . missionary work
/human anatomy reference
This will be a good skill too have once he's out of the NFL in 3 years.
Fortunately, Shanoff is already cut.
What is it with Heisman Trophy winners and sharp objects?
Tebow will, no doubt, be at the head of his class.
gives a whole new meaning to the term "slicing up a nickel package," doesn't it?
You could see he was really into it.
Interesting.
@Carlton_Whitfield: You picked a hell of a mohel, Elaine. Where'd you get your license, the back of a matchbook?
Perhaps one day when the pigmen roam free it will be stopped. Until then, off with their heads.
@dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac: You mention "Rock and Roll Part 2" in a post detailing Philippine children's penises?
Gary Glitter's head just exploded.
You could see he was really INTO IT.
/bdd'd
His skills run deep. How deep?
So deep they'll put your ass to sleep. And once you're asleep, he'll remove your foreskin.
Thank God Tebow's not a basketball player; the abundance of "tip off" jokes would have caused Nibbles to start drinking heavily (heavier?).
@Weed Against Speed: Actually, WC Heinz wrote about this years ago, but none of us have even heard of him, let alone read his work
Leg cross
/ bulldog secondary
I think spiking the foreskins after each circumcision was a little hacky.
As an uncut guy, I tend to agree with the "no circumcision" crowd. That said, in tropcial climates, where the impoverished have little access to daily hygiene, Circumcision actually makes sense... I'd be curious if there's a study out there, but anecdotally I think the Missionaries are probably right that there is some health value to the procedure in these areas.
/dickjoke
He's a Renaissance Man, a do-gooder, a man of America. His skills run deep.
But are his hands steady??? The world needs to know!
"Tebow, who has no surgical training..."
O RLY?
Post to see?
@Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee: and yet his brain remains intact...
@Clare: Actually I laughed. So may God have mercy on both our souls.
You could see he was really into it. He thought it was cool.
Who doesn't think cutting a guy's penis is cool? I do it all the time.
/wait, what?
He's a system circumciser. I bet that he only uses a Mogen clamp.
Just like deadspin to make a mountain out of a mohel.
Actually, Tebow is promoting a new prototype of football, that when you rub it turns into a briefcase
So he took a little off the top. Big deal. It'll grow back.
Tebow's girlfriend than provided sustenance for the entire village.
Mel Kiper says Tebow is great at avoiding the sack.
Tebow circumcised Pinocchio with a pencil sharpener.
@rombuu: you get the star...... of david for that one. HAR HAR HAR
He got his hands a little wet in surgery.
Serving the children and women of The Phillipines all at once. Now there's a man that can multitask.
@SA: You wear braces?
I'm not saying I'd go gay for Tebow, but now at least I'll admit that I'd let him touch my junk for medical purposes.
You know how you spell Tebow? With a lot of exclamation points and asterisks, that's how.
Why is it that the women with the biggest fake tits always sneer as though you shouldn't be checkin out their lift kit,yet ALWAYS wear the lowest cut shirt?
Darren McFadden, on the other hand, naturally inseminated women in Arkansas.