Ozzie Guillen Does A Brilliant Ozzie Guillen Impersonation

Perhaps it's appropriate that Ozzie Guillen would unleash one of his patented expletive-filled tirades on Chicago fans, the Cubs, and media outlets just a few short days removed from the 25th anniversary of Lee Elia's epic f-bomb ranting. Maybe it was an homage. But more likely it was just Ozzie Guillien being his usual colorful self.

Here is the tirade, which had been appropriately [Bleep]-d by newspapers in the transcript. I don't know why newspapers and "family" publications continue to do that even though we know, for the most part, what the actual quote is. I've done my best to replace the [Bleep]-s with what what I assume was the offensive language Guillen actually used to give some more color and accuracy to this story:

Right now, everyone in Chicago is making lineups, 'Call up this guy, call up that guy. If we had 50 people allowed on the roster, we could do that. That's what ticks me off about Chicago fans and Chicago media — they forget pretty quick. A couple of days ago, we were the [cunt]ing best [veiny dicks] in town, now we're [taint fuckers].''

Asked why that is, Guillen pulled no punches.

''Because maybe the manager is an ass[licking ball-nibbler],'' he replied.

'We won it a couple years ago, and we're horse[spooge],'' Guillen said. ''The Cubs haven't won in 120 years, and they're the [cunnilinguiling]ing best. [Finger-bang] it, we're good. [Finger-bang] everybody. We're horse[spooge-swallowers], and we're going to be horse[spooge-swallowers] the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win. We are the bitch of Chicago. We're the Chicago bitch. We have the worst owner — the guy's got seven [nut-tickle]ing rings, and he's the [midget-fuck]ing horse[spooge-swallowing] owner.''

I'm curious to see hear the audio version to see how close I was.

Ozzie Guillen on White Sox: 'We're the Chicago Bitch' [Fanhouse]