Deadspin
We're looking at every NBA Playoff series through the eyes of both Free Darko. Here's Free Darko's look at the Boston Celtics-Cleveland Cavaliers series. Your author is Dr. Lawyer IndianChief.
I'm sorry Cleveland, but you guys have got to have the least threatening, least homecourt-advantage-giving playoff crowd in this entire field of 16. Yes, I know San Antonio didn't even fill its arena for some of its first round games, and yeah, I know Toronto and Orlando don't exactly bring the noise, but still, you guys take last. It's not your fault; trust me I know. You guys have had to tiptoe around LeBron ever since he denied signing the max contract, not to mention the fact that Cleveland sports fans in general constantly have to hold their collective breath given years of spurning by the Browns, Indians, and Ehlos. Nonetheless, in a toss-up series, home court advantage might just make the difference, and it's going clearly in Boston's favor.
Now that's not to say I don't have a beef with you, Boston fans. Your obnoxiousness has permeated sport culture so thoroughly over the past five years that it's overwhelmingly trite to even diss you. And hell, Mike Bibby already (properly) played the bandwagon card, so I've got nothing else to say. As far as the Celtics themselves, congrats guys, I loved all the jersey-popping and bench-stomping and chest-thumping in game 7, after you finally beat the Hawks in the last game of the series. Kevin Garnett is so intense. Veteran experience is so important. The holy spirit of Dave Cowens has entered the building. The Celtics love playing with each other. Wake me up when the talking heads are just heads.
The conventional wisdom is that the competitiveness of the Eastern Conference playoffs reflects the fact that the East wasn't really the sucker conference after all. On the contrary, the Hawks/Celtics and Wiz/Cavs series more likely showed that no one in the East could go for the kill. Ugh. So, now we get to the prime time stage of the NBA's B-Squad tournament, and it's Ubuntu vs. The Man.
Getting my prediction out of the way, I'm rolling with the Celtics, but I'm gonna put out there a 12% chance of LeBron winning the whole damn thing by himself. LeBron right now is Harry Truman meets Suge Knight. A dangerous nerd capable of destroying your lofty hopes, but a guy whom people still make fun of behind his back. And the Celtics won't respect him like the Wizards did. You see, the only reason the Wiz had a puncher's chance in that series is that they treated LBJ like MJ. They beat him up, they triple-teamed him, they trash-talked him non-stop, they let Wally Szczerbiak go for 26, they left Delonte West wide open for a game-winner. In other words, they treated LeBron like he was the only guy on the team that mattered, which is pretty darn close to the truth.
Now the Celtics, as opposed to the Wizards, have this aura of foolish pride that is going to likely inspire them to put Pierce on 'Bron in single coverage, which — as good of a defender as Pierce is — is going to be a handful. Maybe Doc Rivers can prove me wrong. Maybe he'll wise up and give 'Bron the Joe Johnson game 7 treatment. Maybe Tony Allen will finally get his proper burn, and maybe James Posey, the Celtics' MVPP (Most Valuable Player in the Playoffs), will get the LeBron assignment (and while we're at it, if Posey starts manning up James, can we get an over/under on how many times the term "length" is used?). But Doc hasn't proven anything yet this entire season, and I give him four games before he can figure out the proper way to guard Bronzino.
What I want to know is whether or not LeBron can get mean. LeBron never really could muster a cool response to the Wizards' prodding of him. Brendan Haywood's infantilizing mimicry of LeBron was hilarious as was DeShawn Stevenson's persistent wet-willying. Dude even let Papa John punk him. And yeah, the Cavaliers ended up winning the series and everyone was talking about how LeBron "spoke with his game" instead of verbally sparring with those plebeian Wizards. Eff. That. LeBron is never going to subvert his robotic/platonic image by actually SAYING anything at all that is more than a cliché or a carefully scripted "I'm above all that" cop-out non-response.
If LeBron can unleash some authentic from-the-soul wrath, he can overcome the dung-storm that the Boston crowd is gonna rain on him. Otherwise, it's curtains for the Cavaliers and another sad summer of speculation from Cleveland fans about LeBron's allegiances, his supporting cast, etc. Let's just say it — now that KG is paired up with Piru Love and Jesus Shuttlesworth, we can safely say that 'Bron is the superstar that has endured the worst supporting casts of all time. When your Pippen-of-the-month has been downgraded to Joe Smith, your chances of a title are slim. Let's hope 'Bron can take things personal, fire himself up and make things interesting.
Comments
Wizards fans had to be taught when to boo, they are - by far - the least excited fan base in the game. Cleveland ain't much better but the DC crowd is Dull without equal.
"What I want to know is whether or not LeBron can get mean."
See Game 5 last year vs. the Pistons.
I've always heard that Charlie Pierce has a lovely singing voice.
Basketball Hall of Fame over Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in six.
Also, just like Harry Truman, LeBron James assumed the throne when Michael Jordan died of sudden onset polio in 1998.
What's that? I can't hear you. Michael Jordan died in 1998 of sudden onset polio and nothing after that ever happened. In fact, it's perpetually 1998 and I'm still 23 and the world is still super-saturated with potential.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my swing dance class.
@Tuffy: And it wasn't a push-off. And it wasn't a push-off.
@Tuffy: I sense a zoot suit riot coming on.
/off to throw back a bottle of beer
Bronzino? Are you saying hes gonna shank Paul 'Bompton' Pierce?
That random 3-second clip of Kevin Garnett screaming for no reason during the Celtics pre-game intros is fucking terrifying.
I haven't been to a Cavs playoff game at the Gund, but from what I can see it seems to be sold out and loud as hell, what more do you want?
As far as LeBron, I don't care how milquetoast he is as long as he keeps winning.
It wasn't right to take a picture of that tender moment between LeBron and Paul Pierce. Give the couple some space.
@Tuffy: I wonder if Brandon and Kelly will ever get married.
I miss the four LeBrons
@Doyle McPoyle: EVERYTHING about Kevin Garnett is fucking terrifying.
They say LBJ killed Kennedy. I don't know. But I do know LBJ is going to take down another Boston icon. Cavs in six.
So LeBron should've called the Wizards a bunch of lilly-livered mollycoddles, and everything would be fine? Last I checked, talking shit don't count in the standings.
If Powe (who is the fucking tits) and Delonte get on the court at the same time, Tommy Heinsohn will get real confused, real fast. "Whose name do I just yell out as if it were an entire sentence describing the action? Is Delonte still eligible to receive Tommy points?" I cannot wait for that moment.
i think that Boston will prevail!
any cleveland fans wanna make a lil' bet?
"we can safely say that 'Bron is the superstar that has endured the worst supporting casts of all time."
So you agree that he got screwed out of the MVP award this year?
@supermike5alive: Oh you and your predictions.
Um, where did you get that stat about the Spurs not selling out their first round games, James Frey?
Fuck, do I have to write these things from now on? I mean, I love FreeDarko, but this was such a mishmash of stuff...
The Q, home of the Cavs, is sold out and loud. Maybe not the most knowledgeable fans in basketball, but a group smart enough to tell the sideshow that the NBA insists on putting on during timeouts to get the hell off the floor so we can watch some playoff basketball.
To not call Toronto fans passionate is kind of embarrassing. The biggest bunch of bandwagon fans this playoff season had to be Hawks fans, and their team legitmately deserved that support for taking the Cs to 7 games.
What's scary, and important, about this series is that both Lebron and KG stand on the precipice of something huge. If LeBron wins, he takes a huge step to becoming the player we think he can be. If KG wins, he silences a lot of critics...but if he doesn't, it could make him the next T-Mac.
LeBron has nothing to lose in this series. I'm not going to say the Cavs will win, but it wouldn't shock me.
@Juancho: @formerly Chief Wahoo: Yeah, I'm not pleased with this column either--what a steaming mess of random speculation. I was there two years ago for the Wizards win in Game 5 and the Pistons loss in Game 6. Trust me, it was loud then. And no one cares about what Lebron is going to do 2 years from now except for all the New York writers trying to get people to read their Knicks and Nets coverage. And where are all the columns about how Dwayne Wade and others will opt out? They signed similar 3 year contracts!
And about supporting casts--worst of all time? Talk about sloppy generalizations. You've obviously forgotten the early careers of Ewing, Jordan, and Robinson. Yes, I'll admit that too many of the Cavs "names" are old (Wallace, Big Z), and the rest of the team is made of young talent. But the team goes two mediocre players deep at nearly every position, and has plenty of match-up flexibility because of it.
@Juancho: My thought exactly. We're not the best NBA crowd by a long shot, but we're there and we're loud.
I will say, though, that nobody talks about going to Cavs games with the same air of importance that they used to talk about when going to Indians games or that they STILL use when going to Browns games. Lebron's here, but we don't really seem to care that much until the playoffs roll around.
@MidwestCoastBias: ditto-ing this guy. Well said, MCB.
@MidwestCoastBias:Here, here! or is it Hear, hear? I'll just go with "right on, Brother".
@supermike5alive: Just want to get out there with this: I will gladly make a friendly bet with you on the series, no matter who wins tonight. Something like Winer chooses losers Avatar for two weeks?
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