Deadspin
One of the reasons I don't attend many minor league baseball games in Tennessee: All the drunken babies. It's the Chattanooga Lookouts' popular Half Price Beer Night For Babies promotion, in which anyone two or younger can get completely hammered under the close supervision of team mascot Looie the Lookout (foreground). Suddenly Britney Spears doesn't look like such a bad parent, eh? If you like your babies with starter Mohawks and raucously intoxicated, then enjoy more in the video after the jump.
OK ... actually, the beer bottle appears to be empty. But how did it get that way, and how many more empties are under the seat?
Video: Babies Drinking Beer At The Ballpark? Always Good Fun [Bugs & Cranks]
Comments
I can't decide is this more of a Karl Malone joke situation or Roger Clemens?
"Hewwo. My name is Gweg-o-wee, and I am a al-ko-how-lic."
"Hello, Gregory."
@Dany Heatley Speedwagon: I'd go with Mark Chmura.
Drew Barrymore thinks this kid is a late bloomer.
Have you seen that baby's pacifier? It's just a crack rock stuck to a Boone's Farm bottle cap.
The kid is hilariously cute. Especially when he starts telling everyone "I love you man.....no, seriously, I love you, man."
Somewhere, a banjo plays and a redneck gets redder.
At least the father didn't share his Skoal with the kid.
@Dany Heatley Speedwagon: if the kid's name starts with K, go with Clemens.
That must be one hell of a fake ID.
Lightweight! Throw that thing back, junior! Like my boy here:
"Hey Kid! You look good with that beer bottle in your hand. Kind of sophisticated."
That kid was so wasted, he didn't even piss his pants.
He was just making a run at the 9, 9, 9 and 9: 9 beer, 9 apple slices, 9 diaper changes, 9 innings.
not pictured: his drunk baby-girlfriend passed out on the concrete
Pearl?
C'mon! The father just didn't realize that the beer had alcohol in it.
[www.freep.com]
William Ligue III
Good to see that the dad/step dad/ momma's boyfriend or whatever he is was sporting a mullett. I would have never seen that one coming.
And I hope that the kid wasn't driving.
At least it's more nourishing than suckling on A-Rod's man teat.
I think this might be some of Brian Bosworth's parent's old home movies.
@HIV 2 Elway: Chewy's into boys, now? Don't tell his priest.
... I mean, do tell his priest.
The kid's underage? Matt Leinart approves.
Those officers should be on the...lookout for this kind of thing.
Josh Hancock approves from beyond.
@MattinglysSideburns:
Nice. +1.
During the field sobriety test, he kept trying to put the rectangle block in the round hole. That's always a dead giveaway.
Look, Curtis Pride's favorite station!
While I don't see the big deal is about David Eckstein drinking a beer, I'm more concerned as to why he's in the stands and not at shortstop.
Mickey Mantle > Mickey Mouse
I'd like to be this kid's wingman
Big sporting week for the kid. First, the Kentucky Derby and then a minor league baseball game.
the funny thing is that the kid drinking beer has as many teeth in his mouth as his parents do.
@Dany Heatley Speedwagon: @HIV 2 Elway: @Magnakai Haaskivi: Leaving Chris Henry out of this one? Maybe it is too easy.
"You know kids'z gonna drank. And if'n he's gunna drank, ah wunt'm tuh do it in fronta me, so's he can learn how to do it thuh raht way. An I can be thar to drive'm back to the trailer where's he can sleep it off proper."
Must have been all out of that lemonade at the concession stands.
@Civil Negligence: He needs to get his drink on.
What else do you expect him to do on his night off from the sequin mine?
In my day we ate glue, and that was more than enough to catch a buzz. This world is going to hell.
Look, underage kids drinking beer without a permit!
The good news is that the kid can use his alphabet blocks to spell "more beer please".
The best part is, he won't have so far to bend over when he prays to the porcelain god. Less puke splatter, you know?
How did it come to this? I'm stuck at this bullshit minor (!!) league game, My mom is always up my ass, my dad is a fucking moron and my old lady just ran off with Johnny and his flashy tricycle. Looks like its just you and me now, friend.
In about 15 years this video will be known as "Exhibit A"
I'd venture to say that any parent who would let their baby play with an empty AND give them a dashing faux hawk is probably a lot like mine...
Well, Stewie Griffin does it and he's a genius. If it's good enough for Stewie, it's good enough for my baby.
Better get used to those bars, kid.
"Have you ever seen a drunk baby? Suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it's... it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man... you take your eyes off them for one second... and bam! They got a bucket on their head, and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV."
/fears that the finale will be just like the rest of the season and be absolutely horrific
Anne Geddes just got a terrific idea.
The kid clearly becomes more outgoing after emptying the bottle, even dancing at one point. I bet he needed some Baby Advil the next morning...
@ClueHeywood: +1 if that's a Back to the Future reference.
It's really that tv commercial day trader baby. He lost his ass in pacifier futures earlier that day. Drowning his sorrows.
Why is this kid drinking what appears to be Miller Lite or Bud Light when he could be drinking refreshing, frost-brewed Coors Light out of a vented can?
Dumbass.
Mullets, mohawks, and underage drinking -- that clan is just begging to get popped by a foul line drive.
Come to think of it, I was always told Pedialyte was a great cure for hangovers.
@The Ronettes Sing Medieval Agrarian History: How would the kid ever find out about that? His dad refuses to let him read Deadspin - way too trashy.
Miller Lite? His mom fucking bathes him in that shit.
@Rick Chandler: Affirmed.
@BigRicks: Yes, but the sound of your hungry baby crying negates any positive effect.
At least he's a happy drunk.
I've found the perfect girl for him:
[i64.photobucket.com]
And who among us doesn't bob their heads to random music and wave at random girls after a few?
@Dead Wrestlers Society: Skoal? Too high class for this gentleman. Try Husky.
Is this video from the new Montana anti-alcohol ads?
what about this lovely Mom?
[www.620wtmj.com]
faux hawk, how about NO hawk? am i right, fellas?
/hangs head in shame
Wait till you see him in his college years.
Smoking, drinking, cranking, snorting!