Deadspin
It's no secret that former hair metal icons began replacing their Aqua Net and sperm-killing lyrca with Tommy Bahama wardrobes as soon as most of them hit their 30s. Alice Cooper's like a five handicap, Tico Torres from Bon Jovi's 12.1, and, hey, even Tommy Lee's a 33.
So that's why it's no surprise that Vince Neil, Motley Crue's little boy-voiced singer is an 18 handicap and hosts his own charity golf tournament ever year. What's also not surprising? That a good majority of the participants in this tournament are porn stars. The tournament's proceeds go toward the Skylar Neil Memorial fund (Neil's daughter who died of a rare form of cancer) and is appealing to some of the usual corporate weekend duffers who get to spend a weekday getting drunk, playing golf and cavorting with women who could conceivably fit nine irons inside them.
It's probably safe to say that this will be one of the more entertaining and enlightening stories Ventura County Star reporter Tony Biasotti will cover for his paper this year. He did a wonderful job writing about the event for a local paper that probably doesn't normally cover Gina Lynn and Tera Patrick's outdoor activities. One thing bothered me about the story. This part:
It was a bit rowdier than your average golf tournament, but the porn stars generally stayed within the PG-13 range of behavior. There was only one incident that can't be described in a family newspaper.
What, in the name of Friday-night-and-I-need-a-fight could that be?
According to one attendee, it was this: "It involved an adult film star named Flower Tucci, who inserted a golf ball, or golf balls, into one or more of her orifices. Then she gave the ball to a lucky fan."
And that's how compound verbs are born: Flower-tucci
Also, here's a shocker. In looking through last year's tournament's Flickr album, look who pops up in a few photos?
Vince Neil Loves Ladies, Liquor and The Links [Sports By Brooks]
When rocker Vince Neil comes to play golf for charity, Simi Valley becomes an altered reality [Ventura County Star]
(Photo from 2007 Skylar Neil Memorial Flickr)
Comments
Sweet, a Flower Tucci sighting!
I don't know much in life, but I do know one thing with metaphysical certainty:
I will NEVER look as lame as the four guys in the bottom picture.
Well, shit, it's not like Dennis Haskins has any work to be doing.
Dang that crazy David Cross with his nutty disguises.
Putter? But I hardly know her!
Ok, someone needs to get Mr. B a real job.
[Heads asplode]
So is Belding with those guys to judge the John Stamos Look-a-Like Contest?
Tommy Lee carries his own club.
@A Pimp Named DaveR: Man, that picture is like bad hair on parade.
It involved an adult film star named Flower Tucci, who inserted a golf ball, or golf balls, into one or more of her orifices. Then she gave the ball to a lucky fan.
That's nothing. Stanley Tucci pisses out sand wedges.
wierd. i thought maybe the proceeds would go to the family of the dude he killed in that little fender bender of his
A typical night at the Lee household:
[farm4.static.flickr.com]
"Hey Vince, you having that celebrity golf tournament?"
"No, too many people got scabies last year."
There was only one incident that can't be described in a family newspaper.
Did it involve a hole-in-one?
Sure, we know Tico Torres's handicap, but when will we find out David Bryan's???
Also, here's a shocker.
Now that would have been fun to watch.
Flower Tucci's talents > Screech's sex tape
Guy in red = John Stamos in 10 years
must resist urge to visit madthumbs.com...
You want to know where Osama Bin Laden is hiding? Ask Mr. Belding. I swear he would have no problem barging into a cave with Osama building a rocket while yelling "Hey,hey,hey, what is going on here?"
@MattinglysSideburns: @Secret Identity:
Damn.
I hear Sebastian Bach is totally into orienteering now....
The chapter in Dirt about the death of Skylar Neil was one of the saddest things I have ever read. And this is coming from an English major who read The Physician's Tale in middle english. And then had to read it again in regular english to figure out what happened.
PETA will be protesting the tournament due to the use of doglegs in course design.
There is a sand trap joke in here somewhere, right?
Gives new meaning to the "19th hole."
Biggest tits there?
Craig Stadler.
Interesting IMDB facts about Dennis "Mr. Belding" Haskins:
- His favorite food is the Taco Supreme from Taco Bell.
- Was a contestant on the TV game show Scrabble during the mid-80s.
- Member of the Kappa Sigma Fraternity at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga.
"Then she gave the ball to a lucky fan"
What do you do with a golf ball like that?
Hey Tommy, check out those girls! What Vince? Where?
/obligatory
Has anyone taken so little talent and exposure and made it in to so much more? It is like he violates the first law of thermodynamics.
As long as they didnt let Vince drive the cart everythings alright.
Berman sighting in 3...2...
Mr. Belding is the Ted McGinley of our generation.
Also: yes, dude, yes.
Flower Tucci's favorite club? the 69-iron.
@Detective Bunk: Are you talking about Vince or Mr. Belding?
Flop shot.
...Flower Tucci, who inserted a golf ball, or golf balls, into one or more of her orifices...
IS ANYONE A MARINE BIOLOGIST
Rounds of 69 are probably pretty common
@UkraineNotWeak: That, and the fact that someone shot a couple of birdies on the back 9.
Last year they invited Lemmy. He caused the grass to turn black and wither; he was not invited back.
Flower Tucci: "I was just stung by a bee between the first and second holes!"
Pro Instructor: "Hmmm... sounds like your stance is too wide."
@Detective Bunk:
[artfiles.art.com]
Belding was obviously there to check in on Jessie Spano.
This will give new meaning to the term, 'Getting strokes'
And apropos of nothing, every time I'm in Vegas, I see Mr. Belding.
@Detective Bunk: dU=dQ-dW appears to still hold. Don't worry, unless you want to worry about the eventual heat death of the universe. Then, I guess you can worry.
@Brazil Thrill's Shot Was Blocked By KG: Is that a Titleist?
I wonder how many contestants balls started dribbling?
Belding is auditioning for the new Superman movie, apparently.
Nothing says class like a "Love Highway" tube top with a map leading to your vagina.
So I'm guessing Terrell Owens is going to show up in the background at some point.
Looks like Vince won 2 and 1.
@Jews For Purple Jesus: Haskins seems like the kinda guy who would help you take care of the body when you accidentally strangle the hooker you're plowing during the throes of a coke binge.
All of the caddies at the tournament were former members of Dokken, Bang Tango and Saigon Kick.
In retaliation, Skid Row frontman Sabastian Bach has organized a celebrity mini golf tournament. Bob Golic is scheduled to attend.
Flower Tucci > > > Stanley Tucci
so that's NOT Jonathan Winters?
Axl Rose sticks to Tiger Woods Golf on Wii.
What are the chances that Berman makes an appearance this year? He has to be jealous of Belding.
@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is anti-legwarmers and proud of it: I hope my wife likes the one I bought her for Mother's Day.
Vince? You been hangin out at softball games?
"appealing to some of the usual corporate weekend duffers who get to spend a weekday getting drunk, playing golf and cavorting with women who could conceivably fit nine irons inside them."
This line should be in the deadspin hall of fame.
Nice work balls.
@UkraineNotWeak: Ricki Rockett sticks to raping ladies in hotel rooms.
[socialitelife.celebuzz.com]
Mr. Belding is like the Where's Waldo of ass.
And you just know Tommy Lee's swinging one of these :
@A Pimp Named DaveR: I stand corrected.
@DennyCrane: Dude is seriously everywhere. My sister goes to UTC and sees him at campus parties at least once a year. I think he's a professional gate crasher.
NO to all of the above.