"I am Carlos Boozer writing in the 3rd person" - t_simone

"I think that skanky girl wouldn't be pregnant from Saturday night if I had used protection." -t_simone

I think Kim can take a punch...but she needs to stop forcing me to go to court-BMyers39

"I think Utah can take a game... but needs me and Kirilenko to play better." -- cboozer

I think that Utah can take a game...if they score more points than L.A.

-WhatMyDadUsedToSay

I think I can be head of the class, but need Dennis and Arvid to give me a hand

-simone

"I think Syesha can take the crown...but needs Cook and Archuleta to drop dead on stage." --scowell21

"I think Utah can take a boozer -- but it needs to open up some bars in Salt Lake City." -- josephsmith

"I think that I could get wasted... but needs Booze and Kine Bud to really take it to another level."

"I think that brother Jebediah can take a third wife...but Chastity and Liahona need to play along." -t_smone

Good to see the waitress chick from Pee-wee's Big Adventure is still hanging around.

"I think that hot sexy female co-ed can take my game ... but needs Booze and Liquor to play dead better"

-AztecFratBoy69

"I think Bluto can drink the keg...but his need for booze might lead to future peril." --j_belushi

(Team) needs (players) to play better in order to win!!

/seriously, it's like mad libs

"I think this movie could make millions...but needs Pacino to act like he's not mailing in his part." -"s1m0ne"

I think Utah can take a shit...but needs booze and cigarettes to really stink up the joint.
t_charmin

"I think that Utah can take them down ... but needs Bodhi and Roach to screw up." - bellsbay

Damn. I thought his comment was unconditional. Then all of a sudden, three dots!

Great. Utah can take a game. Stop the fucking presses.

"I had sex with Dwayne Wade, but it took booze and an AK 47 to play better" -t_simone

@UkraineNotWeak:

Fuck, I had Johnny Utah and Bodhi, but couldn't put it together fast enough.

+1 to you good sir.

"I think Joe can be the best 3rd wheel on the 3 Stooges, but needs Curly and Shemp to drop dead."

howardfinehoward1950

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and propose the obvious, with lots of qualifiers just in case."
-all celebrated espn.com commenters

"I think I can pay for half of Stacy's abortion...but Rick better pay."

--M_Damone

@UkraineNotWeak: +100% pure adrenaline.

@Johnny LaRue: and all espn talking heads.

I think Johnny Utah can take them down...but needs a surf board and a president mask to fit in better.
-KReeves, Dude

I think I can take home that girl, but I need booze and a roofie.

damnit...I didn't see the first johnny utah reference.
-jackass

"I think that The Cosby Show was the best show ever...but it needed more shows about Olivia."
-r_symone

I think Charlie Weiss can take a joke...but I need booze to make it funnier.
-danajacobsonjokemachine

I think in Utah I can take another wife, but I need Jesus and stupid girls with no self esteem to make it work.

"I think that in Utah I could snag a wife...maybe even three or four."

--p_lygamist

I think Utah is a great place for multiple marriages.......hope this catches on. - PolygamyIsForEverbody

I think I can watch a game on Eutaw Street, but I need booze to make the Orioles look better. -stoopidangelos

"I think I can take a dump... but I need Metamucil and Ex-Lax to play better." --c_onstipated

"I think I can defeat the Spanish monarchy and become the Great Liberator of South America... but I must rally the troops to fight harder." Simon Bolivar

Thanks, Simone - Ben Stein

I think Utah can take a punk scene....but needs Matthew Lillard to stop making movies.-He's-Awful.

"I like chatting with Charles Barkley and all, but having Starr Jones as four of my five is better." -d_wade

"I think that U-Force can take a game ... and render it completely useless." --IheartNES

"I think Will has a mole on the inside at ESPN who posts these crap comments intentionally for us" - ESP_Ntern

"I think the Utah Saints can take a break ... but they need to play 'Something Good' first."

"I think that the real killers can take the blame ... but I need Cochrane and Dershowitz to lawyer better." - O_Simpson

"I think commas are for assholes ... ellipses bitches"
t_simone

I think you can become a great singer.....now finish drinking that bottle of booze. -AmyWinehouse'sLiquorCabinet

I think that Leitch can write a book... but is full of shit when it comes to the blogs. -BuzzBissmyassinger

@Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0: It's like you're reading from my itinerary post-God! Save the Fan reading.

"I think Bridget Fonda was great in Point Of No Return, but La Femme Nikita was better."

--NinaSimone

I think Benson can take pepper spray to the eyes-- god, he's a boozer.

I think I can walk...But I need my legs to start moving. - S.Hawking.

"I think that Utah Phillips can make a joke ... but needs Moose Turd Pie to taste better." - yeah_mydadwasafolkie

I think Utah can take a game, but the Lakers make Boozer and Kirilenko look like Ben Poquette and Allan Bristow.

"I think Obama can win...he just needs Rev Wright and his wife to shut the fuck up"

-changetheworld08

I am a terrible Al Pacino movie. - simone

I think I could make an NFL Roster, but I need an AK and Booze to Play Better.
-M_Clarrett

"I think I can survive up here...I just need a couple of robots to mock movies with me." -joelrobinson

I think these comments could get worse.... but need booze and more booze to think about it better.

"I think the Cheetah Girls can make a platinum record... but needs Bailon and Williams to sing better." - r_symone

"I think Ron Burgundy can win that fight...but needs Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary to hit better." - SuckIt_Iracane