Deadspin
The NHL Closer is written by the five feathered friends at Melt Your Face-Off. When not flying south for the winter and molting, they recap the night in Hockey. Reasonable Doubt, contrary to popular belief, is not a Red Wing. He has not, nor has he ever been, a member of the communist party. He might switch for Emma Andersson, though.
Johan Holmqvist is on Line 1, Mr. Turco. The Detroit Red Wings dominated the Stars in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals, winning 4-1 in a game that was never even close, thanks to Marty Turco blowing goats all night long.
Niklaus Lidstrom took a slapshot straight at Marty Turco, who blocked it, but couldn't find the rebound. Brian Rafalski could, however, and slapped it home before Turco could even react. With that, Detroit opened the scoring on a powerplay goal. That set Dallas back on their heels, and the pressure just kept mounting late in the first when Kronwell took a slapshot from the blue line that bounced off the stick off Franzen that went five-hole on Turco. The second period kept the dice rolling as Rafalski kept an attempted clearing in the zone and which lead to Holmstrom who tipped the puck in for the third powerplay goal of the game. Tomas Holmstrom was literally sitting in Turco's face on the third goal, coming dangerously close to an interference call.
Turco's confidence is obviously shaken with another guy's ass in his face when not wearing his make-up. Valterri Filppula tacked on another, and then, the Turco Death Watch was on. Brenden Morrow chipped in a goal, but by then it was far, far too late. Turco did manage to save face after almost being caught playing Goalfenseman, but the Stars couldn't capitalize on their late chances, and time ran out. Game 2 will be at The Joe in Detroit on Saturday night. These two Red Wing fans may or may not be in attendance, but they popped up under a Google Image Search of Sexy Red Wing fans, so it's good enough for me.
Puckdump:
Deadspin's sixth favorite hockey blogger, Greg Wyshynski, has brought to my attention that hockey-reference.com is up and selling sponsorships for your favorite NHL players. MYFO is slowly buying up our favorites, but Wysh bought Sean Avery and Chris Pronger's page. Selfish bastard. He's running a reader contest to see who can come up with the best label for Pronger's page. See how many ways you can fit in "douchebag" in 255 characters. [Yahoooooooooo!]
Frequent MYFO Commenters Loser Domi and wraparoundcurl have teamed up for a running series chronicling Sean Avery's internship at Vogue. If "shimmerier" isn't already a word, I vote for making it one. [TWWOLD]
Kimmo Timonen looks like he's out for the rest of the playoffs. On the bright side, the way Hockey Jesus has been playing, that will only be the next week or so. [The Broad Street Blog]
Good news, Detroit! You can now toss your calamari around some more! [Skate2Stick]
And finally, here's the longest hockey fight I've ever seen...just when you think they're settling down...they start again! It's Hockey Fight Christmas!
Comments
Gott Nytt ar Puss, indeed!
My Swedish might be a little rusty, but if she is saying what I think she is saying I'm going to need a minute alone.
It's been a bad day
Please don't take a picture
It's been a bad day
Please
welcome to REM day Turco
Puss and Boots
thanks to Marty Turco blowing goats all night long.
I heard he's just a bad goatlender.
@MattMillenFanClub: That's great it starts with an odd break
3 on 1 and flashing blades
The goal official's not afraid
Oh and, in terms of fluke injuries...
Jay McKee missing Game 7 of the ECF because of an infection on his leg that blew up the night before > Kimmo Timmonen's injury.
Stop whining, Flyers fans. Call me after you lose 4 more defensemen.
@kayceebk: RE: Holmstrom... Stand where Turco works, now face west, don't think about direction, wonder why you haven't before.
@BigJimSlade: I missed a little bit of the game as I enjoy Gardening at Night.
@CIALIS COOPER: It says "To Hakan Loob, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar"
@BigTenObsession: I have no idea what that means, but I hope it's "On the seventh day God didn't rest - he made my breasts."
Avery is going steal everyone's lunch money in the Conde Nast cafeteria!
@McCroskey:
That should be the name of Bucci's book if he ever writes one.
It's the end of the playoffs for Dallas,
And I feel fine
She looks smart.
I'm as cynical a Wings fan as they come.
But damn they look good. I'm thinking I may get home from India just in time to see them paste the Hockey Jesus on the way to a cup win.
@kayceebk: That's me in the corner.
That's me playing the puck.
Losing my possession.
@kayceebk: @Dany Heatley Speedwagon:
+1 to both.
@Afino: or "Of Mice and Mullets: Melrose, Chicken Parm & Me
That looks like my freshman year dorm room. (except the walls were painted white and there would be two ugly drunk dudes sitting there insted of two women)
@Dany Heatley Speedwagon: And if you believe
A Wing gets to play with those boobs
(play with those boobs)
Swedish is English spoken backwards.
Oh and for the love of whatever, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Flyers have their spine, they've got their Orange Crush
Gentlemen, I'd like to thank you for brining the hockey-reference sponsorships option to my attention. I have just secured Josh Langfeld's sponsorship for the HSR, so woo hoo!
Oh and
Let's put our sticks together and Build a new series up
Our father's father's father tried, erased the goals he didn't like
Let's try to fill it in, bank the goal post, light We power played it you and me, we power play that goal light red
This is where we walked, this is where we scored
Take a victory here, take a souvenir
Gott = Good
Nytt = New, Fresh
är = form of "is",
Puss = Kiss
So in other words, "It is good to kiss my new boobs"
Right? Right?
Dallas is losing their series
I think I thought I saw them try
@MattMillenFanClub: @BigJimSlade: @HockeyMountain: @BigJimSlade:
I get minutes
I'm the real thing
I can check and pass and skate.
A wing with eye shield
@Schluby:
Henrik Zetterberg agrees.
@HockeyMountain:
I was trying for one for Man on the Moon, but I couldn't do better than that anyways.
I believe in what you do
I believe in watching you
Because Malkin turns you inside-out
I can sense a Buccigross column coming from all this...
Nicely done people
Let's get out of here before someone gets hurt
Seven Swedish brothers swallowing the ocean
Ten Cupless years to sleep away the pain
She will return, she will return
or
The story is a sad one, told many times
The story of my life in trying times
Just add ice, stir in puck
How the West(ern Conference) was won and where it got us
or
Nashville was filled with promise
Colorado's a beautiful place
Dallas misses pucks that should have been gloved
Soon they too will be erased
@Yostal: +1 +1 +1
Thanks, RD, for that early Christmas gift - that fight was just what I wanted.
Without the Wings Detroit would be a complete sports wasteland.
@Yostal: +1 on How the West Was Won.
Niklaus Lidstrom took a slapshot straight at Marty Turco, who blocked it, but couldn't find the rebound. Brian Rafalski could, however, and slapped it home before Turco could even react. With that, Detroit opened the scoring on a powerplay goal. That set Dallas back on their heels, and the pressure just kept mounting late in the first when Kronwell took a slapshot from the blue line that bounced off the stick off Franzen that went five-hole on Turco.
Whom? I know there is no access, favor or discretion, but do they let the bloggers even use google to spell check?
@Human_Cannonball:Wow, with an 06 World Series Trip, and an 05 NBA Finals...
What have you done for me lately.
@Human_Cannonball: The Pistons and Tigers beg to differ.
Ah, Red Wings fans... still as unlikable as ever. Congratulations in winning the series 1-0.
I would say that Detroit is blessed with talented teams that their fans don't deserve, but at least they have the self-awareness not to call themselves "Footballtown", too.
@Human_Cannonball: I think you meant to say "Without sports Detroit would be a complete wasteland"
@Phony Gwynn: Recent British research suggests she should cope well in warm weather:
[news.bbc.co.uk]
Emma sitting on face > Holmstrom sitting in face
How has no one sponsored Roenick yet?
Gotta be some sort of homage to his video game prowess. Who has $40 to burn?
(Also - in a great deal of foresight, hockeyreference priced Hakan Loob at $100... it looks like Melrose isn't making enough at the WWL to buy it yet)
What's the frequency, Dryden?
@garbageday: This is just fantastic news....and just in time for summer.
Remote in my hand
but local news was scanned
A tornado warning blared, so I missed it.
I waited for it,
now I've read it
Mike Babcock proud, Congratulate Wings.
Wow that fight reminds me of the very early days of the NY Islanders getting their asses kicked every time Philly came to the Nassau Coliseum!!!!
@LostinTheOffice: Forget spell check, how about checking the facts: Nik's shot hit the pipe before rebounding to Rafalski. Turco was about as close to that puck as I am to winning the Norris:
With Detroit enjoying a two-man advantage, Rafalski scored 4:28 into the game after a shot by Nicklas Lidstrom caromed off the post directly to him between the circles.
[www.nhl.com]
@Sir Hotbod Handsomeface: I'll buy the sponsership now if someone can send me a youtube link of NHL 94 with him.
@tomford: As one half of the writers for Cock Knockers Inc., I shall keep this in mind.
Any other suggestions? It can be a build your own adventure.
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