Basketbawful has a little TGIF for you. It comes disguised as a preview for tonight's Lakers-Jazz game. But I promise it'll make your mother love you again. If, well, you actually get off your sorry butt and buy her a card and some flowers. You've got two days. But read this first.
Utah versus L.A.: Game 3
Sweet home, Energy Solutions Arena. Say it with me, kids: The Utah Jazz were 37-4 at home this season (although only 2-1 in the playoffs). So obviously the Jazz are going to be relying on a little home cookin' homecourt advantage in Game 3. Speaking of which...
Freethrows. The Lakers shot 89 in Games 1 and 2. The Jazz shot 46. I have a funny feeling that that ratio is going to flip-flop a bit.
Carlos Boozer. C'mon Booz...what's wrong? You've been slumping for, well, the entire playoffs and the last seven games or so of the regular season. Is everything okay at home? Actually, you know what? I don't care. Spank your inner moppet or whatever you need to do to get your head straight. Your team needs you.
The pick and roll. The Jazz live off it. The Lakers have stopped it. Dead. That's at least part of the reason Carlos is sucking so badly. He's not getting any easy baskets, and that's probably affecting his confidence when he's bombing from 15 feet.
General Obvious strikes again. Mr. Boozer can't hit a jump shot, but he can watch game film. "Right now they're packing the lane. That's what I would if I was their team right now. Pack the lane and make us hit jump shots. We have to knock them down." Well, he's right about two things: The Jazz need to hit their jumpers, and the Lakers are a bunch of packers.
Block party. The Lakers have blocked 17 shots in two games. That's, like, 8.5 blocks per game, which is a lot if you think about it. Although he wasn't available for comment, I'm sure Carlos would say that the Jazz need to focus on the basket and avoid the Lakers' meaty hands.
Grandpappy Obvious speaks. Jazz coach Jerry Sloan realizes that the Lakers will still play defense, even in Utah. "They're going to defend us. They're not going to drop off and say, 'OK, we're not going to defend you because we're not in L.A.'" Wow. Thanks for that, Jerry. I'm just...wow.
King Subtle speaks. Ah, Phil Jackson. He loves him some sly volleys, doesn't he? Earlier this week he offhandedly mentioned that the loud and boisterous nature of Utah's home crowd can intimidate officials, making them miss a foul here or there (or everywhere). He claimed to have "amnesia" when asked about that comment, but he did offer that "They're scrumming around. That's much more decisive on their court." True. Just like Kobe elbowing his way into the paint and Lamar Odom going over the back and Sasha Vujacic using two hands and a foot on defense is "much more decisive" at the Staples Center.
Deron Williams. He is the cheese to the Jazz's macaroni. And he needs to be extra cheesy tonight if Utah is going to get a win. Memo to Deron: You're being guarded by a 50-year-old man...take the ball to the hoop every time, okay?
Kobe Bryant. You've got your MVP, okay? Can you just, I don't know, go away now?
Andrei Kirilenko. If Jerry Sloan had a time machine, don't you think he'd use it to replace today's Kirilenko with the AK47 of, say, 2004? You bet your big, throbbing brain he would. And you know what? I'd do the same thing.
Lamar Odom. He is quietly killing the Jazz with his rebounding and his defense on Boozer. Nobody benefits more from the presence of Pau Gasol than Odom, who is obviously at his best as the third option. My solution: Kill Pau Gasol. It may be the only way. I keed, I keed. (But not really.)













Comments
not sure what species, dude, no tits
Hey, inbreeding has a poster child...
Yikes! Disapprove.
See what kind of groupies you get when you play gay elf defense?
Fuck, Kyle Korver.
-Tom Foot Marketing
You see the craziest things at Star Trek conventions.
The woman in the background has a mischevious look on her face...but I can't tell if she's a yes.
Coneheads is on HBO right now...
The one on the left looks like she fell asleep, face first on a Foreman Grill.
When did they change the drinking age in Utah to 12?
@The Fan's Attic: ew, she's not. A Picture Full of No Ways.
What with the vast NBA conspiracy, I've lost all hope of anything but a Lakers/Celtics finals. The only thing that can stop Kobe now is Terrance Dean's book.
YES!
(If the questions is: Would you rather play the video games way in the back?)
I think that's one of the Psychlos from Battlefield:Earth.
Yes, I saw that movie. On cable, but I did sit through it.
@Lady Andrea: You have much better eyesight than I. All I can make out is blonde hair and the outline of a decent rack, plus what I perceive to be a mischevious look.
if anyone can figure out how to get sun poisoning inside a video arcade, it's a red-haired girl from Utah.
Or Boston.
@Lady Andrea:
How's the job search coming?
Girl on the left has to be from Boston.
@Lady Andrea: Girl on the right is probably bone zone worthy.
Need to see her face without that lemon drop squint.
@Lady Andrea: One the other hand, the one in the background is Dark Crystal material.
The girl on the left did a really poor job of applying the blackface.
@cowbell204: good, I have two interviews this week. The phone interview from Wednesday called me back 3 hours later to set up an in-person interview. I heard you got an NFL internship. Congrats!
@The Sports Hernia: I disagree, she looks 12. Ew. The one in the background is scary.
DO NOT WANT. Thanks, you now owe me new eyeballs.
Hey! That 12 year-old is married!!
Oh, wait. Utah.
Withdrawn.
Maybe Korver gets distracted by his movie opening tonight...?
or not. Not even Ashton wants to see that steaming pile of shit on screen I bet.
Ashton Kutcher looks f'd up in that picture. What Happens In Vegas indeed.
Dammit
@Lady Andrea:
As of right now its only an interview with the Packers.
Day before I have an interview at a D3 school for a grad position.
the drunk-ass blonde is hittable. the mutant on Kyle's right & the blurry chick seen over his shoulder are not. Yeesh, he can't pull better tail than that?
@Uecker Seats: i don't know how any of you can figure out if the background girl is good or bad. seriously.
Why is the Geico caveman so clean-shaven?
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