The Spurs Are Still Hanging AroundS

Show me your Jazz hands. Chris Paul is clearly screwing up Deron Williams' endorsement deals. If the Hornets' point guard didn't exist, everyone would write love letters to Williams and and name their pets after him. Even thoug, Williams dropped 29 points, 14 assists and three boards as the Jazz tied up the series 2-2, there were still 14 newly registered Shitzus outfitted with "Chris Paul" doggy tags over the weekend.

The Jazz fans came out in full force again and some of them even chose to deny God for a chance to root against the Lakers. Or, in Mormon fan Bree Kasten's case, for the Lakers: "I'm not supposed to come, but I did anyways. It's kind of sad because my religion is supposed to be first and foremost to me, but it's the Lakers and I couldn't help it." Kasten was found later that evening riding the bus because, once again, "her car was eaten by locusts." This is what happens when you choose the Black Mamba over God.

The Spurs are determined to make the NBA playoffs as boring as possible : Speaking of Chris Paul, the Shitzu's 23 points and five assists weren't enough to edge the San Antonio Spurs toward the brink of elimination. Tim Duncan showed everyone why he's still Tim Duncan, throwing up a stoicly dominating performance that resulted in 22 points and 15 boards. (Does Tim Duncan still have his tongue pierced, by the way? ) The Spurs completely destroyed the Hornets 100-80 and now have the series tied up again at 2-2, much to the displeasure of every casual NBA fan who doesn't want to suffer through another Finals of slumbering team-oriented basketball with a French point guard. Speaking of which, the Frenchman's wife, Eva Longoria actually attended the game last night in San Antonio, even though her show's season finale was airing at the time. Also in attendance, actor Tommy Lee Jones, who was there to cheer on his new beau, Ime Udoka. The series is tied 2-2.