Deadspin
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's going to just start flopping, hacking and thugging people from behind in his pickup league. If anybody says anything, he can just tell them that he's playing "championship basketball." When he's not figuring out new ways to sweep the leg, he can be found working on his shiv at Basketbawful. Enjoy!
They are who we thought they were. Faced with a must-win situation at home, the San Antonio Spurs did what they always seem to do: They used flawless execution, ruthless efficiency, and a third quarter flopstravaganza to turn a close game into a 99-80 route. But of course winning wasn't enough for Robert Horry.
With 10:11 left in the fourth and the Spurs leading by 21, Cheap Shot Rob aimed a hard — and illegal — pick right into the meaty goodness of David West's injured back. And just like last season when he thugged Steve Nash, San Antonio got the optimum payoff: Horry got tagged with a simple offensive foul and David West got carried out in a body bag. (OK, OK, he just writhed on the floor a few minutes until a couple trainers helped him limp and shuffle back to the locker room. But the body bag thing sounded a lot cooler, didn't it?)
The Spurs won thanks to big games from Manu Ginobili (25 points, 9-for-15) and Tim Duncan (20 points, 15 rebounds, 6 assists), a three-point barrage from Ginobili (6-for-9) and Ime Udoka (3-for-3), and a cluster of critical offensive fouls drawn by the flop-a-riffic acting skills of Duncan and Bruce Bowen, who sold charges the way a used car salesman might stick you with a rusty lemon that won't even get you home from the lot. But don't take my word for it ... watch for yourself:
Was there some home cookin' involved? Well, let me put it this way: During that third quarter flop-a-palooza, Paul got called for his third and fourth fouls and West got called for his second and third, all in about a minute. Then, a few minutes later, West picked up his fourth. Next thing you know, the Spurs were leading by 15 and the game was pretty much over. But I'm sure it was all just a big coincidence.
The Hornets played hard, but — other than Chris Paul (21 points, 5 rebounds, 8 assists) — not well. David West managed only 10 points on 4-for-14 shooting before Horry Cobra Kai'ed him, Peja Stojakovic finished with 13, and Tyson Chandler scored 14 on 7-for-8 shooting, but he grabbed only 6 rebounds and couldn't contain Duncan. And don't even get me started in on the New Orleans "bench." (Although, to be fair, Julian Wright played pretty well — 8 points on 4-for-8 shooting.)
The series is now knotted at 3-all. Game 7 is Monday. Now somebody go call a witch doctor or a faith healer or something and have them fix West's back.
Comments
Those pervs are trying to get an up-short shot.
Therein lies my problem with basketball. If Horry knew he would have Joey Kocur punching the teeth out of his head he'd be a lot less likely to go after an injured opponent. Bring back Kermit Washington!
In this round of the playoffs, it seems that the away team's offense goes into complete shutdown at some point in the third quarter. It has been like that in almost every game. The Hornets only scored 29 points in all of the second half last night.
If the Spurs win Game 7, so help me God, I will kill so many horses that Dee Mirich will need an entire staff just to keep up with the poetry.
and a third quarter flopstravaganza to turn a close game into a 99-80 route.
The Bullshit Highway, I'd call it.
Flop-a-palooza totally sold out when they let Metallica play, man.
Wow. The Spurs watched World Cup footage before this game, didn't they?
@formerly Chief Wahoo: For some reason, blood just started trickling out of Rudy Tomjanovich's ear.
He may be Cheap Shot but he most certainly is not Ro.....oh.
You mean the NBA isn't a pure contest of athletic skill! Holy *^U@&!!! Next, you'll be telling me that the Oscars are political!
/NBA FTL
@Gourmet Spud: If a million monkeys typed ten hours a day they still wouldn't be able to duplicate that level of batshit crazy.
I hate the Spurs, ok? Got that clear?
Now that we have that out of the way, I think Horry wasn't throwing a cheap shot. Even though that means that Mike Golic and I agree on something (which is too painful a thing for me to even comprehend), I don't think it was dirty.
horry just knew that west would jump for the inbounds pass, just like he must have known amare and diaw would leave the bench. is he psychic? give me a break. it was a hard foul, nothing more.
It seems inevitable that this wonderful NBA season shall end with a Spurs and Pistons reenacting The Battle of the Somme.
Christ, when did I become Dennis Miller?
Just saw the replay. What a load of crap. Horry can suck a dick. And I hate the NBA.
Tyson Chandler scored 14 on 7 of the 8 sick passes thrown by Chris Paul.
/fixed
@MyronCopacetic: about the same time the Habsburgs realized there was something on their chin.
Please God let the Hornets win Monday night and bring to a close the Douchebag Era.
@William: That slippery slope you're on is bound to make you a Brady Quinn fan on Nutrisystem by the end of the month.
First they allow teams with "FC" in the MLS, and now basketball players are flopping?
This is how it starts people
[arms self in bunker]
@williamzabka:
My award for best avatar of the day goes to you, mr. popinsky.
@MyronCopacetic: Your analogy doesn't work. People watched World War I.
@Magnakai Haaskivi: Olá Olá Olá Olá !
@Magnakai Haaskivi: Brady Quinn shills for EAS and...wait
(slaps self across face)
Why do I know this crap?
I love how the ESPN announcers slurp on the Spurs balls and agree with all the calls. God I hate the Spurs. What a bunch of pricks.
Fuck the Spurs.
/America
@DannyNoonan:
The fact that this is going 7 terrifies the sin out of me, I am already having terrible visions of Tim Duncan getting away with murder on Tyson Chandler, West's back becoming an issue, and Peja doing that Peja thing where he comes up small in a big game.
And people say Duke hasn't contributed to the NBA....
@Delicious Pundit:
But people died or will die from the stench that comes from both.
Hornets will have to employ the Schlieffen Plan in Game 7
This series is going to go full circle when Chris Paul punches Horry square in the nuts
Other things the Spurs used besides ruthless efficiency: surprise, fear, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.
I hate the Spurs just for all the thundersticks in the stands. The flopping just makes me ire boil.
The way i saw it Horry was simply setting a pick because he thought Ginobili (?) was going baseline, he wasn't even looking at the pass in the air how could he know West was leaving the ground? Just an overreaction because Horry and the Spurs were involved.
/two cents
//dick joke
If Stern cared at all about saving the sanctity of his league, masked goons would have taken a bat to Ginobili/Bowen/Horry's kneecaps a long time ago.
If the Spurs were any whiter, they would be a Gumbel brother.
/Suck on it, Whitlock
Game 7 is Monday? Well played Stern, you droopy chinned pelican.
Why again do they get three entire days off before game 7? Are they traveling on horseback? Yet another reason to hate the NBA playoffs. Every other day people.
@Thundercracker: Brings back memories of those early-decade Kings, when Vlade would fold under Shaq, Webber's knee would act up (only in big games?), and Peja would, well, you know.
@The Sports Hernia: You actually have a shot at TWO game sevens on Monday, which is even more retarded. Doesn't Stern realize that Sundays are for Church, hangovers, and afternoons on the sofa watching sports?
Where have you gone Joey Crawford
Our nation turns it's lonely eyes to you.
/woo woo woo
@PeteJayhawk: +1. Nicely done
Screw the Spurs and Horry should have gotten and Flagrant 2 on the hack job.
//bitter Suns bettor from last year
@formerly Chief Wahoo: I love how the first round takes a month to play with like 3 off days between games, and the second round is done in a week and a half.
@broad street bully: Only if the Hornets are up 20 with 5 seconds left. Where's Tim Donaghy when we need him most?
@broad street bully: At his size, it'll be that much easier.
Go Spurs Go.
@Felix Pie w/ a Twist: Is that what the Jumbotron Overload told you to chant? Worst crowd in the NBA.
every time a spur flops an angel gets its wings
but seriously, fuck those guys. nobody likes you all- *especially* you, Hitch.
@The Trying Too Hard To Look Young Face: I had an Overload last night. Supreme pizza will do that to you.
@Juancho: That's what she said.
So Duncan is listed at 260 and yet he goes flying through the air like he's been shot out of a cannon when someone nudges him with a shoulder? Pussy.
Wow, that was fucking shameful. Spurs defense obviously feeling Tony Parker's European influence.