Deadspin
We remember when a friend of ours, in high school, gave us advice, handed down to him by his grandfather, on how to buy condoms. "The trick," he said, "is not to try to slip them in with other purchases, or anything like that. Sorry, man: You just have to steal them." We didn't take that tactic, but we understood it. And so does Purdue safety Torii Williams.
Williams was arrested Wednesday for trying to steal condoms from a Pay Less Super Market.
A day after he was charged in connection with a shoplifting case, senior safety Torri S. Williams has been suspended indefinitely from the Purdue football team.
Purdue head football coach Joe Tiller announced today that Williams was suspended “for conduct detrimental to the squad,” according to a release from the school.
We really think the theft of condoms should be considered a lower grade of misdemeanor than regular shoplifting. Williams is just trying to stay off this site.
Purdue Safety Wanted To Expand His Coverage [The Wizard Of Odds]
Comments
More like Pope Joe Tiller X
On one hand, he should be commended for using a condom. On the other hand, why is he getting them from the same store as Lance Briggs?
Con-dom?
/Kemp'd
Apparently in the Lance Briggs household using condoms is a crime.
Come here baby and let me show you the World's Largest Drum.
Wait wait wait...someone else is a Torii? Why?
Joe Tiller won't stand for birth control. He wants his players to emulate Travis Henry and Lance Briggs.
ron mexico could benefit by reading this.
He can't go to the health center and grab a fistful from the free condom basket like the rest of us did?
The solution is clear: Make the woman you're intent on not impregnating boost some Today Sponges.
Better to be a safety than sorry....
Is there a College/University (non-Catholic) that actually doesn't give out free condoms in 2008? I find that hard to believe. Hell, I was in college almost 15 years ago (sigh) and there were baskets of them scattered all around the health center for the grabbing....you didn't even have to talk to anybody.
He was just stealing them for a friend.
Well he certainly Paid Less.
The "Love Cannon"? Now that just seems uncomfortable.
Condom package number 3 in the photo references Gum.
I don't want there to be any connection between chewing and my wang.
Lay-tex Con-Dome? Man, I wish I lived in one of those.
@DumpsterDining: /shows you out
@MattinglysSideburns: whuuuu?
/Henry'd
WTF? How can you be in college and not have access to tons of free Lifestyles, at the very least?
@SteveJeltzFan: @IfindUrlacherfaithdisturbing: indeed!
It's because his lady made him wear two at once.
I have an anecdote from our local police blotter. One night a couple months ago, a cop stopped a teenage boy biking late at night. He asked where he was going and the cop offered him a ride, since it was somewhat of a distance, and because it was cold. Before the kid got in the car though, the cop had to search him. Anyways, the cop found a condom in his pockets. When they got back to the kids house, the cop told his parents what he found and the cop told the kid it was illegal for him to have sex. Not sure if it relates but I thought it was funny.
I can imagine Rex's frustration when he barely missed a huge endorsement opportunity by them deciding to go with "Love Cannon."
Why would anyone want condom flavored gum?
@Matt_T: Doesn't matter, she'll still visit a sperm bank.
dumb ass could have hit the local Planned parenthood, I'm pretty sure they give away condoms for free there. However, I'm willing to bet he has no idea what Planned Parenthood is.
I'm being charged with a crime, is that what this is? I'm being charged with a crime? This is funny, thats what this is. This is....I'm gonna rip the eyeballs outta your head and piss in your dead skull!!!
/Jessep'd
No need for condoms if the girls stays on top (I've heard they cannot get pregnant that way).
/recycled
Payless Shoes sells condoms now?
@UpstateUnderdog: Neither does my wife.
He should've just jerked off in the library like the rest of the Big Ten.
Pay Less? I thought they just sold crappy shoes
These condoms must have been packed in a six year old's Happy Meal. A very Happy Meal.
@Tebow2007: I hate your guts
@Sherrill-Theory:
Apparently Torii Williams was not sponge-worthy
@1_win_per_arrest: +1
So, is the "Sack II" condom supposed to go over "everything?" The fact that there is a sequel is equally intriguing.
@LeagueofShadows: Wonder if he'll go to lamaze class with her though.
@Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!: I wonder if he even knows what lamaze is.
Finally, a post where I can share my Black Power Condom pictures from Korea!
We are all brack people
@Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!: Whatever that is.
@DwayneBoweCoalition: 60% of the time , it works every time.
I don't care, I still wanna know what Arte Moreno thinks about this
@Doyle McPoyle: Why, so you can be smelly and covered in spooge?
Boy, his is sure going to get ribbed by his teammates for this one!
Just have her drink a Dr. Pepper. Right? Right?
@Weed Against Speed:
It'll be for their pleasure!
"Come on, baby. It's my birthday!"
-God
That's why I avoid this whole mess and just steal some Seran Wrap from the supermarket.
Unfortunately, birth-control supplies are not available for free from Liberty Medical.
Who's Purdue's first opponent? Our Lady of Wannamalaya? That would expalin it. I would've made the kid go to a sex ed class.
@Chicken Wings: John Kruk claims Sack II condoms are discriminatory.
What kind of girl wouldn't laugh at the very idea of Pokemon condoms? Oh, I get it!
I've seen video footage of ways not to get a girl pregnant, but Williams will have to round up five other guys and a crying Japanese schoolgirl to make it work.
@Civil Negligence: I prefer rabbit skin.
Animated Robot Condoms: Now you and your tiny penis can disappoint the woman in your life twice!
@StuScott Booyahs: That wouldn't be too much different from my life now, actually.