It's time once again for the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award-winning series Minor Enterprise, where we extol the virtues of minor league baseball, its promotions, and the women who love them.
They really know how to have fun in the Golden Baseball League, don't they? Friday is Plumber Appreciation Night with the Long Beach Armada, in which the team plans a dazzling array of events to pay tribute to James Denton, better known as Mike the Plumber on ABC's hit series Desperate Housewives (don't play dumb; no one's buying it). Denton is also part-owner of the Orange County Flyers, which take on the Armada in a three-game series beginning Friday. Let the fun begin.
First, the Armada will welcome him with free O.C. Flyers Toilet Paper to the first 500 fans that enter Blair Field. Also, the first 250 fans will receive a free plunger courtesy of Belmont Plumbing in Belmont Shore. Special mid-inning games and contests will include dizzy plunger races, toilet seat horseshoes, The O.C. and Desperate Housewives trivia contest, and so much more. And since this is the same team that has given us past promotions such as Wedding Day With Judge Lance Ito, Live Hermit Crab Races and Jose Canseco's final professional season, you know it's going to be good. As for the above photo, you're welcome, ladies. And you, sir.
Elsewhere in upcoming promotions:
• New England Patriots Day With Stephen Gostkowski Appearance. Sunday, June 22, Lowell Spinners (Class A New York-Penn League). The New England Patriots placekicker makes an exclusive appearance to sign autographs, hobnob with the crowd and, best of all, kick autographed footballs into the stands throughout the game. All fans not clearly signaling for a fair catch may be ruthlessly pummeled. [Thanks To Benjamin Hill]
• Great Scoundrels Exposed. Monday, June 23, St. Paul Saints (Independent American Association). Benedict Arnold, Genghis Kahn, Cruella De Vil; see history's greatest scoundrels exposed for what they are as the Saints celebrate the Chinese Year of the Rat. And don't forget that Sunday is the Sasquatchcentennial; it's Sasquatch's Birthday! Only two shopping days left!
• Baby Olympics. Tuesday, June 24, Hudson Valley Renegades (Class A New York-Penn League). Third only to the Super Bowl and the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament in terms of wagers placed, babies gather here annually for a series of grueling events to determine the the top baby in southern New York State. Not sanctioned by the IOC and banned outright by the Chinese government. Sponsored by T.L.C. Pediatrics.
• What We're Very Sorry We Missed. The Inaugural Matt Leinart Armada Hot Tub Party Presented By Splash Spas and Pools. June 17, Long Beach Armada (Independent Golden League). Damn it.
• Bobbletoy Giveaway Of The Moment. Tommy John Bobble-Arm. July 11, Bridgeport Bluefish (Independent Atlantic League). The Bridgeport manager — the majors' winningest pitcher who isn't in the Hall of Fame — was immortalized for his ulnar collateral ligament, which was surgically repaired in a revolutionary new procedure in 1974. And now you can own a piece of history with this toy, to be given to the first 1,000 fans.
• Mascot Of The Week. Baby Blowie, Columbia Blowfish (Coastal Plain League). Oh Christ, they're multiplying. Jake Erwin from from Columbia, SC files this special report: "I know how much y'all love Blowie, the mascot of the Columbia Blowfish, but are you aware of the nightmare that is Baby Blowie? Check the picture, and then imagine the kid dancing with Blowie to "Apache" between innings, as he does at every game. I wish I could find video of it, cause it is hysterical and always gets the biggest cheer of the night from the 100 or so in attendance at these games."
We want your minor league tips! Send photos, game accounts or news on promotions to RickChand@GMail.com. And thanks!