The 2008 NBA Playoff Recap: What We LearnedS


The 2008 NBA playoffs did more than just entertain us for the last seven or eight months. It taught us stuff. Some stuff we only suspected, and some other stuff we never even knew before. Here is that stuff.

The Atlanta Hawks have fans...real, flesh-and-blood fans.

Boston fans, on the other hand, apparently are bandwagon jumpers.

The NBA will not tolerate "menacing" hand gestures. Ever.

Kevin Garnett never forgets.

"Third person" is LeBron James' preferred method of speaking.

Basketball and rapper slap-fights can go hand-in-hand.

Trash-talking Lebron James does not work.

Beating LeBron up — or trying to, anyway — doesn't work either.

There is no DeShawn-LeBron rivalry.

The Cavaliers apparently can beat the Wizards in the playoffs three years in a row.

Jeff Van Gundy hearts Mark Jackson.

It turns out that going to a team with other "talented" players didn't work out all that well for Allen Iverson.

(It worked for Kevin Garnett, though.)

Carmelo Anthony has a lot to learn about bringing his team together.

Tracy McGrady might be destined to be the most tragic figure in NBA History. (It's gotten so bad that even Clyde Drexler is busting his chops).

Dirk Nowitzki might be destined to be the second-most tragic figure in NBA History.

David West does not heart Dirk Nowitzki.

Playing against the Utah Jazz is like trying to crawl headfirst through a wood chipper.

The Pistons apparently forgot the 76ers were an actual NBA team. (In all fairness to them, a lot of people had forgotten that.)

You can't leave Tim Duncan open for three. Seriously.

The Phoenix Suns will never beat the San Antonio Spurs in the NBA playoffs.

Dwight Howard might be the love child of Bigfoot and Godzilla.

Jeff Van Gundy really hearts Mark Jackson.

Cleveland versus Boston was a lot like New York versus Miami back in the day. (Only with less ankle-biting from Jeff Van Gundy.)

Wally Szczerbiak, as it turns out, is not > Larry Hughes.

Ray Allen's jump shot is a fickle lover.

LeBron would like his mom to sit down.

Under the right circumstances, Paul Pierce can outplay LeBron James.

That hit on Steve Nash was no accident: Robert Horry will do anything to win. (Pray your grandma is never standing between him and victory.)

Officiating has and will always suck, anywhere from a little to a lot. (Usually a lot.)

David West does not heart Fabricio Oberto either.

Jeff Van Gundy really, really hearts Mark Jackson.

Chris Paul is freaking amazing.

If the New Orleans Hornets ever get a bench, they'll be dangerous.

Carlos Boozer, as it turns out, is very < Karl Malone.

Jameer Nelson cannot predict the future.

Phil Jackson does not talk trash to Gregg Popovich or the Spurs.

Manu Ginobili is just as important to the Spurs' success as Tim Duncan.

The Pistons, as we have known them, are finished.

Jeff Van Gundy is humping Mark Jackson. Like, right now.

Larry Bird does not look well.

Nothing sucks the life out of the NBA Finals quite like an officiating scandal.

Lakers fans can be crazy bastards.

Celtics fans can be just as crazy and bastardy.

Paul Pierce knows how to make a dramatic return.

Sasha Vujacic is a Ric Flair fan.

He's a whiny bitch, too.

Kobe is not reluctant to tell his bleeping teammates to get it the bleep together.

No lead is safe.

No, really. No lead is safe.

Sometimes, Kobe just wants to drink until he can't feel feelings anymore.

Phil Jackson, as it turns out, is not > than Doc Rivers.

Jeff Van Gundy is not Mrs. Mark Jackson.

Under the right circumstances, Paul Pierce can outplay Kobe Bryant.

Kobe does not = Michael Jordan.

Three is still > one.

Boston fans do not heart David Stern.

Kevin Garnett is not finna sleep all week.

Paul Pierce is the motherfucking Truth.

Glen Davis is one Biiiiiig Baby.

The Boston Celtics are the 2008 NBA champions.