Josh Hamilton Doesn't Win Home Run Derby, And You Don't CareS

Congratulations to Justin Morneau for winning the Home Run Derby. Too bad the stories tomorrow aren't going to be about you and instead about Josh Hamilton's 28 longballs in the first, his tattoos, his rehab-induced dream about doing this, and his blow habit.

Since the winner of the Derby is kind of irrelevant in the grand scheme of sports, if MLB had their way, they'd have probably stopped the contest after Hamilton's 28. Unfortunately, they put these rules in place, and by gum, they're going to stick to them. As a result, Hamilton's reserve power stored in his arm ink finally dried up, and Morneau's five homers in the final was enough to beat the redeemed Ranger's three.

The All-Star Game can't be any better than tonight. Unless Hamilton his the game-winning home run or something. (Or if Rick Reilly is impressive on camera.) Because already his story dwarfs Rick Ankiel's comeback. ("Oh, you came back from ... sucking at pitching? Well, congratu-fucking-lations, I don't remember most of 2005.") Still, in case that game does top this contest, I'll be right here, live blogging that one too.