The Second Coming Of Josh Hamilton Begins Tonight

Here's Texas Rangers slugger and True American Christian Hero, Josh Hamilton in his pre-Jesus days when he got arrested in May 2005 after his bomb-tastic 24th birthday party in North Carolina.

That night, according to the Smoking Gun, America's home run derby almost-king punched in the windshield of a friend's truck, tore off its rearview mirror, and busted a baseball bat over his knee. (Brute strength or junkie strength?)

Unlike the cracked-out wizard sleeves he's so ashamed of, Hamilton was at least able to remove the two earrings. Was he into Color Me Badd or something?

But tonight, the world will be anxiously waiting for Hamilton to hit another home run, to save everyone's mortal soul in "Left Behind"-like fashion, and complete his heroic comeback without the Justin Morneau letdown ending. The more interesting subplot at the All-Star Game will be hearing the heartfelt welcome the Phillies' Chase Utley receives from the New York fans after he politely told them to fuck themselves last night.

Of course, once again, we have the most estimable member of the Live Blogerati, Matt Sussman, dutifully chronicling all the All-Star action and showing off the raw keystroke power the Lord gave him.

Be bold tonight, Deadspin readers, and mighty forces will come to your aid. Come back tomorrow. Please?

Josh Hamilton Mug [The Smoking Gun]