Five Throwgasms Giants at Steelers: Oh, and one more thing. I'm getting really fucking sick of Cleatus, the fuckheaded FOX robot, hitting fungo balls during game leading back in from the commercials. Hey FOX, I fucking get it. You broadcast the World Series. You only mentioned it SEVEN MILLION FUCKING TIMES ALREADY. I don't need your gay little robot, who serves no purpose to begin with, hitting pop flies during the break as some kind of blatantly subliminal baseball promo. "Oh loogit! The robot's hitting balls. That reminds me, I better watch the World Series tonight! On FOX!" I swear to God I hope that robot develops the urge to become a real boy, only to end up at the bottom of the ocean for centuries, staring at a frozen picture of his human mom. Colts at Titans: Ready to bury the Colts at 3-4, are you? Ah, but that's just what they want you to believe. No team is better at getting you to think they're finally gonna shit the bed, only to come up with some incredibly annoying way of pulling it out of their collective ass. They've got you right where they want you, America. Chargers at Saints: From swinging London! The big question surrounding the Chargers is: Will Shawne Merriman join the team in Europe? I think he'd enjoy being in England. The girls there are much more polite about being raped, you know.
Three Throwgasms Bills at Dolphins: I was watching the Fins play last week and lamenting the complete disappearance of the neckroll from the league's linebacking crews. Most linebackers today use the newfangled cowboy collar to prevent from whiplash. But I remember when ‘backers like Carl Banks would tie a neckroll the size of a baguette around their shoulder pads. Looked like a rolled-up gym mat surrounding his head. And then you had former Fins linebacker Brian Cox, who had what appeared to be a barcalounger on the back of his shoulder pads. I miss all the unique contraptions NFL linebackers used to prevent getting their spines crushed. Bucs at Cowboys Falcons at Eagles
Two Throwgasms Redskins at Lions Rams at Patriots Browns at Jaguars
One Throwgasm Chiefs at Jets: If Jay Glazer's report about Brett Favre spilling secrets to the Lions is to be believed (and there's no reason to believe Favre's lame account over Glazer's, since Favre is a proven liar), then I don't ever want to hear another fucking person in the media say one goddamn word about how awesome of a guy Brett Favre is ever again. Anyone who does should be fired on the fucking spot. How is Favre not being fucking pilloried right now? What kind of little fucking BITCH rats out his old team like that? What is this asshole, sixteen years old? Brett Favre is a fucking dingleberry. Literally. He is a small, wadded ball of toilet paper and fecal residue implanted in the sweaty asscrack of another human being. Fuck him. He deserves to be scorned, shunned, and intentionally injured. Fuck you, Brett Favre. You vindictive little shit. I hope your Hall of Fame bust is a goddamn rat's head. DIE. Raiders at Ravens Bengals at Texans Seahawks at 49ers Pregame Song That Makes Me Want To Run Through A Goddamn Brick Wall