No Word If Kutcher Is Asking Them For Painkillers

If you thought appearing in a bunch of shitty movies and banging some waif who was barely girl-next-door hot 20 years ago would impress a group of high school freshman football players, dude, you'd be, like, totally wrong and shit! There's a fun report out from Star regarding Ashton Kutcher's latest role as an assistant football coach, and indications are that his ineptitude from TV and film transitions nicely into the world of athletics. That is to say, he seems to be loathed equally in both fields by his respective audiences.

Coach of the year? Not quite. Ashton Kutcher has been having a ball as assistant coach to North Hollywood's Harvard-Westlake School freshman footballers. But the feeling isn’t mutual. "The kids want him gone," says an insider. "They think he doesn't know what he's talking about and can't stand his tough-guy attitude." Out of the huddle, the kids mock their famous coach and have even given him a special nickname: Ashton Doucher!

Chlorophyll? More like BORE-O-FILL! That's the best you can do, freshmen!? Kids are so uncreative these days. But I guess "That Guy Whose Career Fell Into Demi Moore's Botoxed Pussy" doesn't quite roll off the tongue so well.