College Football Roundup: Every Game Counts...Except When They Don't and Texas Gets Messed WithS

Oklahoma beat Oklahoma State late Saturday night 61-41. This score was enough to vault the Sooners ahead of Texas in the BCS Standings and, as a result, send them into the Big 12 Title Game against Missouri courtesy of the fifth tiebreak. (The sixth tiebreak was, in a nice nod to BCS totalitariianism, "Who does Kim Jong-Il think is better?") In raising Oklahoma the BCS computers managed to solve the quandary that left human pollsters uncertain: which of three tied teams deserves the opportunity to compete for a national championship? Of course this only mattered because Texas Tech stormed back to defeat Baylor before Oklahoma even kicked off. If Tech lost that game, then the Oklahoma game wouldn't even have mattered. and Texas is playing for the title. This all makes an awful lot of sense, right?

Basically, Texas got messed with. And here's why, this is a decision between Texas and Oklahoma. In our infinite wisdom we've discarded Texas Tech based on the sound defeat they suffered at the hands of Oklahoma. (Even if, like me, you think Texas Tech deserves a shot in the playoff.) That means there's only one game to consider: the neutral site 45-35 Texas win over Oklahoma. Nothing else matters. Both teams have one loss and Texas won the head-to-head game on a neutral field. If every game counts, then you have to count the only game between the two teams that your're deciding between, right? Otherwise you're proving what college football playoff proponents already know, every game is equal but some games are more equal than others. Welcome to the Orwellian world of college football championship rationales. On to the round-up.

1. Florida and Alabama proved they are the best two teams in the SEC. Which, in the wake of the SEC East's performance against the ACC, might mean nothing at all. In case you missed it Georgia Tech put up 45 on Georgia (who now owns the most disappointing 9-3 season in Bulldog history), Clemson continued their domination of Steve Spurrier and South Carolina, and Wake Forest beat Vandy (who despite reaching a bowl this year finished off their season with a Vandy-like 1-6 conclusion). What does all of this mean?

2.Oregon State's dream of making their first Rose Bowl since 1965 went crashing into Oregon. In the end all of Corvallis cried as one as Oregon hung 65 on Oregon State. Who was happiest about this aside from Oregon and USC fans? How about undefeated teams in Boise State and Utah? Who saw one of the BCS spots that would have been claimed by USC open up thanks to the USC advancing to the Rose Bowl with the win. Who else was happiest? The bastards at the Rose Bowl. Instead of an Oregon State-Penn State rematch, they get USC-Penn State. Which, to be fair, is shaping up as the second best BCS bowl game.

3. Paul Johnson's offense works in BCS conference football. Last week Johnson's team rushed for 472 yards. And no one really noticed because it was a Thursday night football game. This week they rushed for 409 yards against Georgia. While only passing for 19 yards. So it doesn't really matter if you're one-dimensional if that dimension is so dominant you don't even have to consider throwing the football. This is even more jarring when you consider that Georgia led 28-12 at the half.

4. Virginia Tech and Boston College are meeting again in the ACC Championship Game. At least the game is in Tampa. Which should be somewhat warm. The Charlotte games always looked miserable.

5. Kansas beat Missouri to salvage their season and make Baby Mangino squeal with joy. Meaning Missouri fans can join Georgia fans who are upset over the worst 9-3 season in school history. Of course, unlike Georgia, Missouri can erase everything with an upset win over Oklahoma this week. Regardless, somewhere John Brown is smiling. Even though he's mouldering in the grave.

6. Miss. State's offense put up 33 yards against Ole Miss. That was on 56 plays. Futility this epic deserves to be noted. It's why no one was crying in Starkville when Sylvester Croom resigned. Don't you have to be fired if you're Croom and make the school buy out your contract? You don't see Charlie Weis resigning, do you?

Back to Oklahoma-Texas and the BCS mess, I got a lot of emails after saying that 99.9% of college football fans want a playoff. Many were from college football fans who said they didn't favor a playoff. I don't think these fans are fools, I just think they've made a Faustian bargain with their own souls. Like the girls who claim they're still virgins but have anal sex. Basically, if you're a college football fan who favors a playoff you're the 16 year old girl getting banged in the ass to protect the sanctity of your hymen. Congrats on that. Y'all have to live with results like this. And if Florida beats Alabama this weekend? Are we just going to decree by fiat that Florida and Oklahoma are the two best teams in the country? Even though Texas and USC and Utah and Boise State and Penn State all have pretty good claims that they deserve a shot too? You betcha. (Odds that the Palin daughters contemplate the anal sex virginity protection gambit? High, very high...except the eldest.) Something's rotten with any athletic event that requires this much logical inconsistency and debate, really fucking rotten.