• Nice try: If you think putting a Cavalier Girl in a bubble bath with another naked lady is going to keep LeBron in Cleveland ... well, it can't hurt. [Don Chavez] (Site's down. Let's pretend this never happened.)

• I did not see that coming: Michael Phelps, blah blah, stripper girlfriend, blah ... wait, is that Duce Staley? [PSAMP]

• Hail Billy?: The Flutie family continues to marvel and amaze. Yes, on the football field. [The 700 Level]

• Open up and say "Tiger": Finally, a genetic test that will tell you which sports will destroy all your child's hopes and dreams after you force them into a relentless and ultimately failed pursuit of a professional contract. [West Word]

• Too Sooner?: The BCS computers aren't biased, huh? Then how did Bob Stoops get Oklahoma's 8 electoral votes? [The Sports Culture]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.