• Plus, you have to live in Chicago: You know your franchise has had problems when going bankrupt barely cracks the list of bad times. [In Game Now]

• Bally's sleeps with the fishes: Some crackpot thinks the Las Vegas mob is rigging pro sports by blackmailing athletes, bribing the CIA, assassinating the president, and threatening crackpots who think the mob still runs Las Vegas. [Cleveland Frowns]

• Slice and dice: Derrick Rose talks about Apple Gate. By the way, he still ate the apple and it was delicious. [Mouthpiece Sports]

• I'm No. 1: See, this is why college football coaches don't get a vote in BCS anymore. They don't get a vote, right? Please tell me they don't. [Simon on Sports]

• Let's go with that one: Maybe Sean Avery is just putting on an elaborate act to get attention for himself and the league. Or ... maybe he's just a prick. [Islanders Point Blank]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.