• Awwwwkward: It's really not helping your team when you earn a red card for slapping another player. Especially when the slapee is your own captain. [Unprofessional Foul]

• Obvious: Why would Brett Favre come back next year? Oh, right. Because he's Brett Favre. [East Coast Bias]

• Boo-fucking-hoo: Oh, wait ... are we supposed to feel sorry for Patriots fans? That's rich. [Central Maine Sports Blog]

• Rides $.05, etc.: "Jets' Search Begins And Ends With Cowher"? No, it begins with Cowher and ends with a never ending string of mustache jokes. [WCBS]

• I hear they are also abnormally tall: I don't know about you, but I am shocked to learn that NBA players are not great at organizing and running charities. [My Hogtown]

• And his OBP: I sleep well at night knowing that there's a special place in hell reserved for Adam Dunn. [Shyster Ball]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.