• Brilliant!: Michael Jordan's first acting gig, for a UNC med student project. Or some kind of Amish recruitment program, I'm not sure. [NESW]

• Enjoy your coach: The Mangini Era is here. Can you feel it Browns fans? Good things are going to... wait, why are you laughing? [WFNY + Cleveland Frowns]

• Does this seat feel warm?: Is Gary Williams in trouble at Maryland? I hear he once backed over a turtle with his car. [Stet Sports]

• Save Tony: Archie Manning's son heard from this guy who knows this girl that's going with this kid who says Tony Dungy won't retire this year. I guess it's pretty serious. [MSF]

• The way it should be: Citi Field is already a putrid, decaying dump. Welcome home, Mets fans! [Beehive Haridresser]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.