While the NBA trade deadline brought approximately two actual deals and the MLB trade deadline has been a washout for years, the NHL version is like playing a video game on franchise mode while drunk.

I could not possibly synthesize or rationalize the massive volume of trades that took place today or how any of them effect the teams that were involved. I can't even figure out what happened here and I started the dang thing. I like to consider myself a fan of the game, but trying to sift through all of today's transactions always makes me feel so ... American. So I quit.

I leave it to those who are more expert in the ways of RFAs and UFAs and obscure Scandinavians. You people figure it out—and please tell me what happened when you do.

Puck Daddy's NHL Trade Deadline Live Blog, Hour 9 [Puck Daddy]
But Doctor, This Line is Dead! [Melt Your Face Off]
Trade Deadline 2009 Liveblog [Down Goes Brown]
NHL trade deadline — Experts' live blog [ESPN]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.