After one day of the regular season, there is already an impressive YouTube of Phillies fans swinging at each other like drugged baboons. We are the champions...of idiocy.

And it wasn't even Dollar Dog Night. But Phillies fans are not used to feeling superior and continue to adjust. Even though the frustration of 28 championship-less years has more or less disintegrated, there's obviously still a lot of bite with these puppies. A simple discourteous shove in Ashburn Alley turns into a half-clenched swipe from a kid toward what appears to be a much older man. Respect the elders, please. Even the drunk ones.

Of course this wasn't the only incident of fist-flying action at CBP on opening night. Nope, an off-duty police officer also caught a fist to the face from a seething tailgater. Luckily, the officer caught some distinguishing characteristics about his assailant:

The man has blond hair and a tattoo of the Eagles' team logo on his back and may have been driving a 2000 white Honda, police said.

Okay so that narrows it down to about, oh, 40,000 suspects in South Philadelphia alone.

Interesting Way To Celebrate The Raising Of The Championship Banner [The 700 Level]
Police seeking tailgater who slugged off-duty cop [Philly.com]