Women, Children Frightened By Giant Hamburger

The official unveiling of the West Michigan Whitecaps' immense 5,000-calorie Fifth Third Burger on Thursday stirred up a variety of emotions, but the following quote is by far my favorite:

When the real thing was served up Thursday, the spectacle drew a mix of reactions. Children were afraid. "It's scary, almost," said 12-year-old Aaron Wisner, of Grand Rapids. Women were mortified. "Oh, my God, it looks horrible. I'm going to take a picture of it," said Leslie Rader, 22, of Walker.

Yes, children were afraid.

On the whole, however, the giant burger was no match for Whitecaps fans, 17 of whom completed the entire thing in a special picnic table area of Fifth Third Ballpark during Opening Day on Thursday. Witness the glory below:

Steve Landis, 16, was the first to finish.

As the Kenowa Hills High School student neared the end, he ferociously forked up toppings to become the first Fifth Third Burger challenge winner. "I wasn't quite sure. Should I be proud of him or not?" said his mom, 43-year-old Barb Landis.

His father, 45-year-old Dick Landis, insisted an empty stomach wasn't the key to his success. He said his son warmed up by eating a hearty breakfast and following that up with a trip to a Chinese buffet for lunch.

Meanwhile, the commenters at MLive.com turned the burger story into a debate over the pirates in Somalia. So predictable.

Giant Fifth Third Burger Served Up At Whitecaps Opener; 17 Manage To Eat The Whole Thing [Grand Rapids Press]