The Montreal Canadiens are for sale! And do you know who would be the perfect caretaker for this historically-gifted and beloved franchise? Canada's No. 1 shrew-like pop schmaltz siren!
Celine Dion as owner of the Habs? It makes perfect sense. She can be their strength when they are weak, she can be their voice when they can't speak, and her one-of-a-kind adult contemporary stylings will reduce opponents to tears and/or induce them to slice their own ears off with a skate grinder. All will cower in fear before the high treble of Les Habitants.
Plus, any owner has to be better than the current one. Dion is actually just one of many potential suitors looking to take the team off the hands of George Gillett Jr., a dirty gringo from Wisconsin who bought the Canadiens after trying and failing to acquire the Denver Nuggets and Colorado Avalanche. He also teamed up with Tom Hicks (remember him?) to buy Liverpool FC, an acquisition that has gone so swimmingly Reds fans have threatened to murder Gillett and his family. Like Hicks, his financial situation is less than ideal now so he pretty much has to dump all his sports holdings to concentrate on losing the really big money elsewhere.
How bad has it gotten? The Habs are charging $385 dollars for two playoff tickets in the 400 level—$80 for the actual seats, plus an extra $200 or so for a souvenir brick that is required with every purchase. (No substitutions. And don't forget the "convenience" fee!) That's a fantastic business model. Throw in a copy of the Titanic soundtrack and we got a deal.
MyHogtown: Are The Montreal Canadiens Going To Be The Montreal Celinediens? [My Hogtown]
Celine Dion to buy Montreal Canadiens? [Two Big Boobs]
Habs fans want seats, not bricks [Montreal Gazette]
Revivals in Chicago and Washington help hockey break attendance mark [Sports Business Journal]
UPDATE: This story supposedly debunks the earlier reports, but I wouldn't know for sure because it's in French. [Cyberpresse]