A good portion of Americans join softball leagues this time of the year. Many do it for the social aspect alone, which leaves many teams stockpiled with players who are ridiculously awful.
Each week, we'll rundown some of the more comically bad softball atrocities by some of these players. If you've got your own, please send it along to firstname.lastname@example.org. Of course, these are [Sic'd] for your viewing pleasure.
I got one- me. Sunday the 26th was our Coed lower level opener. We got rained out the week before. We lost the toss and went down 1-2-3 in the top of the first. Bottom of the second I (pitching) give up an in the park home-run (not as rare as you'd think seeing as how our left fielder weighs 110 pounds and has never tossed a ball in her life before tha evening), a single, and then proceed to catch the next pitch as a comebacker with my face. Attached are two of me in the ER. 30 stitches and I'm swollen like a mutha today. Ah well, we only lost 21-0. Gotta keep up the spirit of last year (last year's record 1-15). I didn't mention we all work at brewpub. Cheers!
John Rocker Is The New Kenny Powers
Last night we had a coed softball game our team is 1-5 and for some reason Ched Smaha thought we needed a spark. We arrive @ Central City and our team now includes a racist former major leaguer, John Rocker. Before the game starts Im standing at the end of the dugout and He and Ched are talking and apparently Rocker wants Ched to soft toss some balls into the side of the fence for him to hit. Ched wouldnt do it and said "its just a coed softball John". He looked @ me and grunted some words..hgolool. softoss ..... I did it and he hammered three into the chainlink fence and grunted a few more times. He then bats 2nd. in the first inning.. you'd thought it was 9th inning World Series 1996 by his intensity in the on deck circle. He STRIKES OUT- Swinging in slow pitch softball. It was great what a fuckchop. He then proceeds to Sit in the stands with the only guy in the stands and the guy is wearing a Crocodile Dundee hat, ponytail and an ole Dale Jarrett Tshirt. Sits their all night except when in the field or @ bat. He later hit a swingin bunt to the pitcher and was out. Also he played left center and dropped a routine popup Julie could've caught. I thought it was great. Couldve been a Great MLB Closer and now he went 0-2 w/ an E for the Shamrock Mudtires. He has to be one of the biggest falls from stardom in the history of all sports. Mare went 3-3 with 2 inside the parkers . Shamrock Mud Tires won 21-11, we are back on track."
Do You Have To Let It Linger?
Back when there were still record companies my cousin and I were the ringers on the Island Records squad. People who work in the music business are not overly coordinated. They're also hampered by the massive amounts of booze and drugs they ingest. The two of us claimed to work in the mailroom so we could play ball for them for several summers. In return we got CD's, concert tickets, and booze and drugs. Excellent trade.
A group called The Cranberries joined us for one game. One of the guys actually made good contact but ran to the pitchers mound instead of first base.
We always hated the pricks from TVT records. Bunch of pasty-skinned metal heads playing a co-ed game way too seriously. Used to kick their asses on the reg anyway. Punks.