And The Fun Starts Tonight

Mets fans, welcome back to Citizens Bank Park. Tonight is the first game of our meaningless little rivalry that seems to bring out the free-swingers in all of us. First up, El Gonzo, from Philly.com

Dear Mets fans,

It's been a while since you last came to visit. You weren't missed all that much. We love to hate each other, sure, but it was kind of nice without you.

This is your first trip to town since last August. Philly has been a little busy since then. There was the World Series and the parade and the ring ceremony and, man, it just hasn't stopped. You probably saw most of it on TV since you didn't have much else to do after September. You remember all the pageantry that goes along with being a world champion, right? No? Well, maybe you have some faded pictures of 1986 in a shoebox somewhere.

This might be overstepping our relationship, but can we tell you something? You guys seem awfully haggard. It looks like you haven't slept much lately. Guess choking away two straight division titles will keep you up at night.

It has to be brutal to be a Mets fan. The Fightin's got off to a typically slow start and still managed to finish the first month of the season with an 11-9 record. That's where they were at this point last year - two games over .500 - and we all know how 2008 worked out for the Phils.

Meanwhile, the Mets enter the series having lost seven of their last 10. They're three games under .500 and looking sloppier every day.

Their season certainly hasn't gone over well with the New York media. Stories about the Mets are frequently peppered with words such as "pressure" and "anxiety" and "failure." And the headlines are even more vicious:

A Strange and Sad Season

Mets Remain Amazin'ly Powerless

Mets Can Produce Only More Frustration

And the best of the lot . . .

Ya Gotta Be Kidding

Things have gotten so ugly that David Wright has been openly booed at Citi Field. (A little advice: that kind of behavior is so unbecoming. You should try to be more like us - cool and calm and supportive.) A blogger for the Newark Star-Ledger even wrote that Wright is "the face of panic in New York's slow start." How far the all-star has fallen.

Jerry Manuel has also taken a lot of heat. Last week, one of you guys made national news when you held up a homemade sign. It was an orange poster board with black letters and a simple, direct message: "Fire J. Manuel." The Mets fascist security guards didn't like that very much, and they confiscated the sign.

On top of all that, you're forced to pay outrageous prices to watch bad baseball at Citi Field - the not-so-impressive new park that the team plunked down next to a shanty town of shabby auto body shops. Even visitors from Detroit would find that area crummy.

While you're here on your mini-vacation, try to relax. Have a Schmitter and a few lagers and forget about your troubles at home. Soon enough, you'll be on the Jersey Turnpike again - headed back to New York to watch the Amazin's bungle their way through another season. That's an awfully grim fate.

For once, we won't blame you guys for making the trip down to Philly. Generally it bugs us. But if we had it that rough, we'd want to get away, too.

Sincerely,

Fightin's fans

And we're off!

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I hope everybody enjoys our weekend cavalry: KOGOD returns tomorrow and Pete Gaines comes in on Sunday. Try to read their posts between trying to virtually hook-up with Jezebel commenters. Please.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Buh-Bye.