John Danks Kills A Squirrel Or John Danks Shows How He Gets So Much Movement On His Pitches Or John Danks Stabs His Brain Or...

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John Danks gave up five runs, 10 hits, walked one, struck out three, but lost to the Texas Rangers 5-0. Oh, and he was also caught jamming his finger halfway up his nostril. Athletes must love playing in the DVR age.

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Good morning. It's Monday. Goddamn you half-Japanese girls.