There Is Another Sanchez Living Inside Mark Sanchez's Mouth

New York media, please be on high alert: It turns out the man drafted to save the Jets' franchise from the ghost of Favre and the incompetence of Clemens/Ratliff allegedly is lip- inked and loves doggy-style.

Let's call this a Deleted-Deleted Scenes, but it is Saturday afternoon and there is no better time to spread ridiculous rumors than the present, so we'll get right to it. The first e-mail from a Los Angeles denizen, who is concerned about the New York Jets' character assessment of Mr. Sanchez.

Wow, Mark Sanchez is so handsome, well spoken, and just seems to impress everyone he meets, even pessimistic New Yorkers! He even looks like The Hoff and Jim Plunkett's love child. He's so perfect!

Errr.....{record scratch}

Breaking news:

This just in...Mark Sanchez has a tattoo of "Sanchez" on the inside of his lower lip. That's right, the inside of his lower lip. JEBUS! Either this demonstrates his "Hunkett" man-god toughness or how stupid he actually is. I'll side with the latter. NFL QBs are supposed to be good decision-makers right?

How do I know? First of all, I live in LA. You know we all know celebs. Secondly, the story of how I came about this knowledge is sort of personal (especially for Dirty Sanchez) . If you need additional details feel free to contact me and I will provide them.

And how on Gang Green earth could I pass up such a delightful invitation for lascivious accusations pertaining to the young man? My job is to wade through the horseshit and hearsay of these pressing matters that tenuously hold together the fabric of our fan-dom!

Unfortunately, the emailer ask that I keep the specifics of the details very hazy and off-record due to the nature of his friendship with an individual who was allegedly doggy-styled in the shower by Mr. Sanchez a couple of years ago. (Yes, it was a girl. Hooray.) It was some time during the vigorous copulation that she managed to inspect the inside of his lower lip, revealing the offensive "SANCHEZ" tattoo. Now, we all know a secret that's been safely guarded for years by Sanchez's dental hygienist and also the many ladies who've been lucky enough to be back-hammered by the former USC quarterback during his college days. Sports fans, consider yourselves wizened.

PHOTO: ObsessedWithSports

Send an email to A.J. Daulerio, the author of this post, at ajd@deadspin.com.

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