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May 11, 2009 09:40 AM
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Nobody does news quite like UK's News Of The World and their latest shocking exposé is no exception—a bare-all interview with a Baltimore "dancer" who claims she double-teamed Olympic hero Michael Phelps
Some people might consider this trashy tabloid journalism, but you know the source is credible because the paper interviewed her in a hot pink teddy. (Don't worry; she takes it off eventually. Links NSFW.) Theresa White claims she met Phelps at the club where she works as an exotic dancer and he invited her and a few friends back to his house for drinks and online poker. It was around then that she casually inquired about the menage a trois and thus began the three-hour, three-way sex romp. Everybody wins!
More highlights: According to Theresa, Phelps....
• Still loves the dope and got a little doughy during his suspension from the pool
• Is addicted to gambling and wants to become a pro poker player
• Is an emotional basketcase who cries like a baby "at the drop of a hat"
• Doesn't tip well and blows most of his strip club money on alcohol
• Is paranoid about cell phone cameras (Gee, I wonder why?)
• Huge mamma's boy, obvs
• Chews tobacco non-stop and has filled his house with spittoons. Amazing.
Anyway, aside from the spitting and the cheapness, Theresa says she would be happy to remain "sex buddies" with Mr. Phelps, but that his mother would not approve. I'm sure this interview will help smooth things over. Finally, props again to the News of the World (who broke the original Phelps pot-smoking story) for their phenomenal use of punnage that puts the New York Post and Daily News to (drug) shame.
"Medalled My Bongs" works on so many levels.
Michael Phelps had threesome with lapdancer Theresa White and stripper friend [News Of The World; some NSFW images]
Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
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